My Turbulent FA Journey

It’s been exactly a year since I became a Flight Attendant for Philippine Airlines; and though I only flew for 5months with my country’s flag carrier, I will always be grateful for what the Lord has taught me through my “turbulent” journey with PAL.

I never knew I would be in love with hospitality/customer service job 35,000 feet above sea level until the PAL opportunity came along right after my final year at Bb. Pilipinas (2016). If you were able to read my blog (A Necessary Detour & While the Failing Continues, The Failure Continues) several months back, you’d know that I was actually terminated for failing my written permanency exam. Looking back though, I think the reason why God allowed me to get fired was more than just not qualifying the permanency.

While I was working for PAL, I became in denial that the job was actually becoming my idol. My quiet time was becoming too quiet that I wouldn’t want to spend time reading my Bible, I wanted to Fellowship with my friends at church but I was half hearted in serving the Lord, I neglected opportunities (I dropped my BibleMesh class) where I had the chance to get to know Him more. I wouldn’t give much value to God, the same way I’d give value to my layover activities, my dream destinations, to my OOTD’s, my Instagram posts (which I deleted shortly after my termination, none of it really mattered). This season in my life reminded me of Ecclesiastes, where the writer talks about how depressing it is to seek happiness in the things of the world.

According to GotQuestions.Org: This book gives Christians a chance to see the world through the eyes of a person who, though very wise, is trying to find meaning in temporary, human things. Most every form of worldly pleasure is explored by the Preacher, and none of it gives him a sense of meaning. It’s key verse is Ecclesiastes 1:2 Vanity of vanities,’ says the Preacher, ‘vanity of vanities, all is vanity’. Sadly, this is very similar to how I spent most of my time flying with PAL. I was distracted by the world. As a Christian, I should be a world changer, not a world chaser. In PAL, I chose the latter.

The Epistle of Paul to Titus, (chapter 2) talks about the saints denying ungodliness & worldly lust, seeking the Lord, living soberly, righteously, and godly, in this present world. I wasn’t seeking the Lord while I was flying for PAL. I placed Him behind, and navigated my life the way I wanted to. (Nagmarunong nanaman po ako. Feeling ko nanaman I could take care of my self.) For a few months, I was delusional, the world ate me up. — And that, I do not want happen ever again. I pray that His grace sustains me in my new journey with the new Airlines I am currently training for.

I’m already on my last 2 weeks at training to once again be a Flight Attendant. I am very grateful that He gave me another chance to pursue this career. So far, training has been very good, I can say it’s lovelier the second time around. By Grace, my Quiet Time has been good. By Grace, I would get better grades at my exams, nothing below 90%, I pray it remains this way until the end. By Grace, I would enjoy getting to know the 18 new classmates I have at training (but of course I love pa din my PAL ICCT16-12 family, the #Victorious1612 lol) and more women from other batches, some of different nationalities. My prayer for this brand new journey, I tweaked it a bit: that none of the things I would be tasked to do in this new opportunity given to me will be in vain, that I do not value this opportunity above God in my life, that I do not take it for granted, and that it humbles me, MORE & ALWAYS. May I never find the world pleasurable. May I never ever forget my First Love, Jesus Christ.

Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.” Ecclesiastes 12:13 On top of it all, I’ve witnessed and experienced that my faith in Christ Jesus is the ultimate job entrusted to me. The faith I have that He graciously poured out through and in me is my ultimate standards of pursuing a career. Life on earth is brief, time is running, why would I settle for things that do not have eternal bearing? In case that happens again, which I hope not, please rebuke me.

Few more weeks till graduation day. May I give Him glory for the rest of my time at training, post grad, and beyond. To my failures, to redirection, to new endeavours, to success, to every sadness turned to gladness, to God be all the glory!

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My Story on Immodesty

Immodesty was a big struggle to me. I thought it was something I’d be compromising for the rest of my life due to career choices. My biggest dreams when I was about a decade younger were either to be a supermodel or a beauty queen (me & my worldly perspective, of course). My character was set to the industry’s culture, to wear underwear in front of anyone, pose in bikinis, look fierce in photoshoots, casually seduce the camera and have my sensual photos all over social media, print ads, etc.

Since I became a Christian, I began praying for God to make me dress modestly. It was *gasps* tough. I remember cutting all my bikinis into tinier pieces years ago and throwing ‘em all to make sure nobody uses it so I don’t make anyone stumble. Just a year ago, I’d say no to projects that would require me to be in bikinis. I’d also ask my friends to rebuke me each time I post anything disturbing on social media. It was so hard trying my very best to be modest. Mind you, I had massive relapses. But as usual, Grace came to my rescue.

None of my “good works” and my modesty-styling-skills fully changed me. It’s only Christ who could transform me from the inside out. It says in Galatians 5:16-19: walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, SENSUALITY..” Baaam! As usual, pahiya nanaman ako, I read these verses about 6 months ago at a Bible study with my friends, Marlann and Pamu. That moment, it finally hit me hard, and so I repented.

Right now, slowly but surely, I’m learning, appreciating and I’m fully convinced that my body really is the Holy Spirit’s temple, that I must protect, guard and take care of it not only in its spiritual but physical sense. What helps me fight immodesty is every time I’m about to do/be it, I’d ask myself: what is my motivation for doing it? Why do I want to flaunt my body? Why do I want to post a certain photo? Who gets pleased when I do it? As Christians, we are told not to conform to the pattern of the world, but be transformed by the renewing of our mind. Then we’ll be able to test and approve what God’s will is–His good, pleasing and perfect will. (Intense. Gamit na gamit sakin ‘tong verse na ‘to.) It’s nice to always be reminded that not all good plans we have leads to the Lord’s pleasing and perfect will for us. If our desire doesn’t please God and doesn’t point us to Christ, it’s pointless. You get my point? 😉

I would call it irresistible grace that God brought me to a place that requires me to dress modestly. What a beautiful irony! Now, I’m learning to understand that my problem was more than just clothing preferences and career choice. The issue of immodesty is in the core, it’s an issue of the heart. It’s my sin in itself. Immodesty brought me to committing more sins in my past. It made me greedy for attention, fed my insecurity, led me to immorality. Indeed, sin begets sin!

But I praise my Lord and Saviour that I’m no longer in that state, that though I chose the immodest path back then, He pulled me out of it. Though I was being tempted by instant gratification and the earthly desires I had, He saved me from it. Immodesty is just one of the many sins Christ saved me from. I’m excited to discover more sins and be delivered from all of them. I’m hopeful that He will constantly sanctify me on this matter.

May our beauty not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, our inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1Peter 3:3-4

“Don’t you know that your body is a sanctuary of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought at a price. Therefore glorify God in your body.” 1Corinthians 6:19-20 — Shall we? Leggo!

Technology is an OFW’s Best Friend — Would you agree?

I’ve never appreciated technology the way I do these days. I’ve been taking advantage of it for the past two weeks of me being an OFW. It is the instrument of Grace the Lord is immensely using to strengthen, widen and deepen my faith in Him. I would seriously be dead by now without it — Spirituality dead.

I remember my prayer before I got my iPhone back when I was still working for Philippine Airlines. I literally asked God to allow me to use it only to give Him glory; that I do not use it for vanity, for selfish interests. I prayed that with every App I download in it, I only use them with an eternal perspective. I am amazed to witness now that that prayer is evidently becoming a reality, slowly but surely. My mobile phone is such a blessing. It has become my best friend. Praise God. 😭 Here’s why.

1) It is what keeps me rooted in the faith since I got here. My devotions, my Bible, my praise and worship music are all in it. It literally allows me to meditate on the Word day and night. It keeps me Spiritually alive and healthy. Yay! My most used app now are Spotify (for dancing and singing) Holy Bible (You Version; for my Quiet time) and Ligonier (where I watch preaching sermons). God makes my life A LOT easier through all these.

2) It connects me with my Spiritual family. It’s been two weeks and thank God cause I haven’t missed a dgroup meeting. I shall never give up, forsake, neglect meeting them even if it’s a bit hard to communicate. Hearing and being encouraged with the updates of my sisters in Christ and staying accountable with them is TREASURE. Thank God for Facebook Messenger! 😭

3) This week, I also got to video call with three of my best friends. (Thanks to Janelle Olafson, another sister who is in Texas – USA for inspiring me to catch up with my bff’s.) It was awesome! I’m glad to hear the things they are up to even for a while. I’m thinking of doing this with them regularly. Looks like distance isn’t really a hindrance for long-distance-relationships! ☺️

4) Another thing I love about technology is that I get to capture nice moments with my new friends; and swiftly share them with my loved ones all over the world.

It’s only been two weeks. I hope & pray that the communication upward⬆️ (to Him), downward⬇️ (through Him), and side-to-side↔️ (with Him) continues.

My phone has its benefits but it also has its downside. Sometimes, I’d still go overboard with social media to entertain myself for worldly feeding of my brains. You probably think I’m being too hard on myself, but the sinner in me has the tendency to idolise entertainment. I hope to be improved by Grace (on using social media wisely) for the coming days, that my heart chooses to spend more time with Him than indulge in things that don’t have eternal bearing. Grace, please take over!!!

Eastside Manors: Vote Wisely

My family moved to Eastside since I was 2years old, and I am already 27 now. So I essentially live in this place for 25years. I had my first crush here, and first heart break lol. My very first school was in this village too. I’ve seen childhood friends come and go; old and new neighbors exchanging food during noche buena. I’ve witnessed some neighbors fighting over a parking space, laughing, sharing lives through yearly Christmas carols, halloween parties and basketball leagues. Eastside was also a place of my break up stories, rebellion, life realizations, war room moments with Jesus, and the day-to-day transitions of my life mostly happened here.

Eastside wasn’t merely a house to live in for me and my family, it was and is our home. Among all the family members, I am the one who lived here the longest. I won’t claim to be its perfect homeowner, I’ve had my fair share of good, irresponsible and embarrassing acts in our community, that’s why I am writing this blog to at least try to do my part and be a responsible villager, by having the initiative to vote for the coming Election of officers for EMHA (Eastside Manors Homeowners Association) happening this Saturday. If you are a homeowner here, and you are concerned for Eastside as well, I hope this post enlightens you.

I won’t be accusing anyone of anything. I won’t be posting here who I’m voting for, though I am definitely supporting a party. I just have a few prayer points for my humble-little village that I hope my neighbors would also consider praying for.

1. Integrity – Whoever gets appointed as the next officers, whether I’d vote for them or not, I would have to respect it. God says honor the ones in authority. But I pray that whoever wins, the ones who will be in authority exemplify this character: integrity. Better the poor whose walk is blameless, than the rich whose ways are perverse – Proverbs 28:6. The Lord detests lying lips but He delights in people who are trustworthy – Proverbs 12:22. To do what is right and just is more acceptable to the Lord than sacrifice – Proverbs 21:3. I pray for gracious integrity not just for the officers but for each and every home owner.

2. Fear of the Lord – If one fears the Lord, that person will be afraid to do anything that is against Him. That person isn’t corrupt, is not a liar, not manipulative. I pray that Eastside will have a set of officers that fears the Lord more than anything, that they fear going to hell and that they have respect and understanding for the Lord’s wrath that they won’t plan on doing anything displeasing.

3. Transparency – Let us bring every transaction to the light! Bible says we cannot serve two masters, it’s either you are for money or you are for the Lord. May God’s truth alone rule over the entire community of Eastside Manors. I sincerely pray that the ones who will be appointed this Saturday have a truthful heart for service, and true service is selfless servanthood, it isn’t self serving. May the officers not want the position for their own selfish interests, for vanity, because God abhors & won’t tolerate these heart conditions.

Here’s what I’m confident of: God will not allow anyone to be in a position of influence for nothing. If you think the winners won’t be deserving, then know that God is sovereign. Judgement belongs to Him. He may be doing something in that man’s heart. So let’s all continue to pray for His truth to prevail, that Eastside may be a progressive community. One that allows Jesus Christ to rule and reign in & through the neighborhood. I pray for a peaceful & graciously fair election. Hearts and lives are changing in Eastside, claim it!

Vote wisely. 😉

Magnificat: Chapter 1

Yesterday, we did a shoot for a very special brand that will be launching in 2 months. It’s called MAGNIFICAT, meaning: My soul magnifies the Lord. I can’t tell much about it for now, but feel free to follow it on Instagram for future updates: @magnificatph 😉

This is the highlight of my Christian walk so far that I thank and magnify the Lord for: 

My improving view on theology and understanding of the Bible. I’m learning the true context of the Word and unlearning ideas that may feel correct & sound correct and acceptable to me. I grasped also that just because a pastor/preacher/teacher say something nice and uplifting doesn’t mean it’s right and aligned with what the Scripture has to say. I learned that I shall not be after “hyper grace”, that I shall not view my God only as my provider and blesser, but ultimately, as my Greatest Blessing. What if He wanted me to live a life like Job’s? The man who lost his family and all his possessions and lived in misery, would I still love Him? Do I really love Him, or I’m just enticed by the idea that He can give me whatever I want? 

For my firmer and deeper understanding of the Truth, I used to listen to lots and lots and lots of preaching online of my then favorite pastor from the USA, I had to stop listening to him because not everything he says are leading to true salvation, to the Bible’s context. Most of the time, he’s just hyper. I’m learning the importance of relying on the Scripture alone (Sola Scriptura), that I may not be confused at people’s theology, and that I may develop building my walk with my God towards a foundation that’s not easily broken, easily swayed by the world & myself that is still in very much need of sanctification. I would always say, since I became a Christian, that the Bible taught me “everything”, showed me how filthy my heart was (and still is at times), corrected many things in my life and developed my convictions. If that’s the case, then all the more I shall read and study it. I’ve never enjoyed reading the Bible the same way I do now. A few months back, I would read it for the wrong reasons, I’d also share & interpret it wrongly. I would say I do love Jesus but I wouldn’t go deeper in the faith. I wouldn’t study my Bible and I’d give and excuse that I don’t have to be a Bible scholar to be a true discipler. But logically, I cannot love someone I do not know, I cannot say I am close with somebody and not know the history of His life. That does not necessarily mean I have to be a Bible scholar, but the Word is readily available, I do have time, I just didn’t want to get to know my God because I was lazy. I didn’t want to learn. There you go, one of the reasons why Jesus had to die for me. 

I have read the entire Bible but I haven’t really understood it. Right now, I graciously have the desire to learn MORE, I believe it’s the Lord that placed this desire in my heart, cause I didn’t have it then. I’m excited on how my faith may be even more improved, excited to learn how to love more, because loving isn’t innate in any of us, remember? If we are true Christians, we shall accept this reality. There’s nothing good in us, even a tiny bit. That’s also one thing I’ve confirmed, that I’m only good because of Grace, apart from it, all I have to offer are garbage, because my so-called-goodness are all in vain, if not done for Christ’s glory. 

I must decrease. He must increase.  

GAVAGIVES.com 

I was GAVA’s very first employee back in 2015. I began as its Marketing Associate and returned 2 months ago as its Brand Development Manager. Meaning, more responsibilities, broader view on how it may effectively grow (internally) as a team and (externally) as anyone’s crowdfunding platform for fundraising. I thank my boss, who is also someone I consider a very good friend and sister-in-Christ, Ms. Ann, Gava’s Founder and CEO for the trust she has given me to serve Gava again. Prior to my return, I had so much fears, I just came from a failure as a Flight Attendant in Philippine Airlines and I was scared of once again being a disappointment to any company. I was torn between choosing Gava or staying with PAL to temporarily try out a different career opportunity before I can train to fly again. I prayed hard and I was directed to choosing Gava for Biblical and practical reasons. 

I’m now on my 2nd month with Gava. So far, I’d say that God has been really gracious on how He continually humbles my heart since He brought me back here. I love my expanding network at it, how I would have a close encounter with different charity foundations and non profit organizations volunteers/managers. I’ve seen successful personal fundraising campaigns and how it has helped a lot of people. I’ve witnessed a family who fought for the life of their sister/daughter, a birthday-for-a-cause fulfilled, animal rescue campaigns, a father reunited with his family, people protecting the country’s president, and a whole lot more. Each program/campaign with the desire to help, to give, to fight for a cause. 

I think I mentioned this before in one of my old blogs, that I don’t support and promote what I do not believe in, it may seem exaggerated but it’s the way it is. I’m pretty sure a lot of us would have that principle too. Gava has always been a company I highly have faith in. Anyone would be so blessed to work for a company that has the mission to give and the vision to see a lot of lives transforming through giving. I do not see it as a regular business, a typical job, it is vitally what our society needs now. In a generation where everyone’s always online, where millennials would want to make a difference, Gava is one ultimate gateway to help our society, school, community, church, foundations and advocacies through online giving. 

There is nothing that I have now that I did not receive. Every good and perfect gift I have is from Above, from my Lord. I do not possess even my own possession. This alone, is a liberating motivation why I give back. 

Let’s give through Gava. 

www.gavagives.com 

While the Failing Continues, The Failure Continues

I made a promise to give an update regarding my application for this flight attendant job I intensely wanted. Here it is. I was on my way home from a Bible study in Greenhills at about 12 midnight when I checked my email and saw an unread item that got me giddy. The company I applied for finally replied. I got very excited for a second until I clicked and opened the mail. *Breathe* I failed my application as a flight attendant — for Qatar Airways. It hurts. In Tagalog: ANG SAKIT.  

It hurts because I went through a bunch of screenings, and I sincerely believe it all went well. There were about 4 tests before I finally had my final interview. About 2 weeks after my final interview the company asked for a photo of the scar on my wrist. I got it from playing basketball when I was in high school. After I sent the scar photo, 3 more weeks, and I got the reject email.
What’s funny was prior to receiving the rejection, I was very convinced and passionately sharing to my friends about how we should be satisfied at Jesus, and how I felt very satisfied at Him that week. When I got the letter, I broke down. I had to preach the same truth I preached to the girls to myself, how ironic right? 

If counting the number of failures and rejections would be a competition, I’d probably be the grand winner. If rejection was a course in college, I’d probably be the perfect professor for it. The queen of rejection. These were the initial thoughts I had when I failed my application at QR a month ago. I was so hurt.

Let me give you a quick tour to some of the rejections/failures I remember encountering. Nursery, I cried over a juice drink I bought, it was handed to my classmate but I was the one who paid for it. Imagine how traumatic that could be for a child. When I was in 5th Grade, I joined a poster-drawing contest, exerted so much effort on it, during the winner’s announcement, I heard my team’s name being called and I immediately ran to the stage and assumed that it was my drawing that won, until I saw someone from the same team as mine being awarded, I checked, and the drawing that was brought on stage was evidently not mine. I felt so embarrassed, I had to walk down the stage and went home empty handed. In college, I had two ex boyfriends, both lasted for two years, and both of them broke up with me. I desperately ran after the 2nd one, in less than a year after the break up, I found out that he was already getting married. I went to the USA alone when I was 17 years old. I was checked & interrogated for 4hours at Detroit Airport, same day I was sent back to the Philippines because of my message to my grandpa that the immigration officers found at my email account, telling him I wanted to go to the USA and work — with a tourist visa. In all the beauty and modeling contests I joined, I never won even a special award, never made it as a semi finalist, and never experienced the question and answer portion. Modeling gigs, rejected for being short. I only did Philippine Fashion Week once, in 2008, after the height requirement increased, no PFW go sees would accept me. In high school I was given a merit award, I was very very happy because it was the first time for me to get recognized academically. And then a day later my adviser came to me and told me that she made an error, that she overlooked 1 of my subjects which failed to make me get the award by 1%. She said I could keep the merit certificate as a remembrance even if it doesn’t have value anymore. (Ouch.) There was another high school incident when we had this “Shakespeare” oratorical-speech-contest, I practiced hard for it because they said whoever wins will be sent to London, I made it until the final stage of the screening, waited for the announcement, till it was silently announced that the contest will no longer push through, no more London. The teacher who headed it said I was the winner. But there was no more contest, so it didn’t really matter.

If you’ve reached this part of the blog, thank you so much for (virtually) listening. I hope it doesn’t make you feel like this is a self pity party. I only released it all, so I could finally let go of it all. Also, I’m not blaming God nor anyone for any of it. Most of my failures occurred because of my self-serving, vain, unwise and stubborn decisions, and some, maybe are practically just not meant for me.  

On my recent rejection encounter at Qatar, I prayed and asked God to speak to me. I asked Him to make me understand. And He lead me to John 15, here, Jesus talks about Him being the vine and us being the branches, that we will only bear fruit if we will remain in Him. Apart from Him, we can do nothing. I realized that God allowed most of my failures and rejections to occur because I did most of them for my own sake, I got Him a little bit involved in some of it but I wasn’t really doing it for Him. 

For the other rejections that seem strange and unbearable, here’s what Christ has to say: “If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.” John 15:18-19 — It felt like a mic-drop moment of Christ to me. (Medyo napahiya lang naman ako in a gracious way sa mga rants and kaartehan ko kay Lord.) What do I expect out of Christianity? Really? To be loved and adored by the world? The answer is right here: Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ. Galatians 1:10 — Now that HIT HARD. Haiii Lord. Please continue to sanctify me until it gets to a point wherein You will solely, wholly and gloriously be pleased with all that I am & do. 

This is an encouragement to us who may have gone through lots of failures and rejections. It’s okay not to be okay. But it’s also vital that we pause and ponder on things, to check our mistakes and acknowledge them, to ask for forgiveness for it, and forgive ourselves because the Lord has forgiven us, to keep trusting no matter how much more failures and rejections we may go through, to accept that failures and rejections are unavoidable. The true measurement of being a Christian isn’t how much praises we get when we experience earthly victories, but how much praises we give Him when we go through tests, struggles and pain. In my 6years in the faith, it is only now that I’m beginning to realize and embrace that Christianity isn’t fancy, it ain’t no fairytale, it could be messy and sorrowful. But Jesus says, in this world we will have trouble, but take heart for He has overcome the world. 😢 

I’ve been back to work for a month now, not an FA job, not something I asked for but something I believe God gave and blesses me with at the moment. Again, we do not skip a season. I’ll probably share about this new-old job of mine on my next blog. I also applied for another airline, and I’ll have my 2nd interview tomorrow. Let’s see how it goes. Until then, Jesus remains faithful, He’s the reason why I keep going. Xxx

A Necessary Detour 

At this very moment in my life, I believe I’m taking a detour. Dictionary defines detour as a way of getting to a place that is indirect and longer than the usual way, and which is taken in order to avoid a particular problem. An alternative route for use by traffic when the usual road is temporarily closed.

I believe I’m in a place where God will still take me to where He promises me to be, but it is necessary for me to go through His redirection, this detour, because He cares more about my heart than my success status. 1 Samuel 16:7 says “The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” I lost my job almost 2 months ago today, prior to losing it I would always pray that the Lord humbles my heart, *tuh-daa!* prayer granted! Losing my job as a flight attendant has been very humbling. I am grateful to immediately recognized that it was wholly and practically my fault why I got terminated. I was on probationary period for 5months. I knew I was going to take a written exam for my permanency and I did not review, I know my capabilities and I know exams aren’t something I should be complacent with because I know that I easily forget lessons that’s why extra effort of studying is a must for me to grasp things well. So yes, I failed because I deserved to fail. I did not deserve the permanency. Simple analogy, no one is to blame but myself and my irresponsibility. 

I would lie if I’d say that losing my job at PAL didn’t hurt me. I did love the job and I was passionate about it to an extent. Practically, on In-flight Duty Free sales and dealing with passengers; but flight safety knowledge is non-negotiable, and I was weak at safety. Maybe I didn’t love the job enough cause if I did, I would’ve exerted more effort on areas I am weak at. Same with the Lord, there’d be days l’d feel like I don’t love Christ enough to obey Him & be fully convinced of His love for me. Faith, unaccompanied by action is dead. I lost the job because I didn’t take action on the faith I professed. Perhaps, it wasn’t faith at all. 

I cannot expect a pleasant result for things I would do half heartedly. God gives and takes away. He takes away especially when He sees that I am unable to take care of the blessing. I did not take care of mine. Lesson learned, and as a Christian, I am sincerely, deeply and humbly sorry. 

I’m also grateful because though I know that my love for God will never be enough, that no matter how many times I have broken His heart with all the ugly things I’ve done, He remains faithful. His character doesn’t change. And that loving character He has is where I’m holding on to now, to being constantly transformed to becoming a better Christian. I needed this detour to be reminded of all these all over again. 

For now, I want to productively and graciously savor this redirection. I did apply for a job, still as a flight attendant because I sincerely still want to be one. If I make it, I’ll tell you, and please pray with me, that I’ll be good at it this time around, that I will finally be able to show that I really do love the job. If I don’t make it, there will always be somewhere else He will place me in, and I do declare that only by His grace and mercy I will be able to excel at it and give Him glory. His will alone be done. All I know now is no matter what career I end up doing, GRACE will always back me up, I’ll get there when I’m ready. My hope is in Christ. 

“Lord, my heart is not proud; my eyes are not haughty. I do not get involved with things too great or too difficult for me. Instead, I have calmed and quieted myself like a little weaned child with its mother; I am like a little child. Israel, put your hope in the Lord, both now and forever.” Psalms‬ ‭131:1-3‬ 

DEAR TAZIC 🖤

Hindi ako makatulog, hindi ako matutulog unless malabas ko ang nararamdaman ko at malaman ng buong mundo kung gaano ka ka-dakila. Hindi pa ako pinapanganak, yaya ka na ng pamilya ko. Chubby ka pa dati, kasi ikaw palagi ang kumakaen ng tira naming magkakapatid, taga-ubos ng gulay, kasi hindi kami mahilig sa gulay nila kambal. Pinanganak si Paul, ikaw pa din ang naging yaya nya. Every time na magbibiro ka na lalayas ka na, iiyak kaming lahat, hahabulin ka namin hanggang sa gate ng Eastside. Memorized mo ang birthdays naming magkakapatid, pati relatives namin randomly ireremind mo kami na kaarawan nila at tatanongin mo kung na-greet na namin sila. Wala kang palya, Ate Tas!

Pumunta sa USA sila Mama and Papa more than 10years ago, ikaw na ang tumayong magulang ko dito sa Pinas. Kung may isang taong pinaka-nakakakilala sa akin, ikaw yun. Ikaw ang nagtitiyaga sa katamaran at kadamutan ko, ikaw ang sumasalo sa sama ng loob at init ng ulo ko sa mga bagay-bagay na walang katuturan. Ikaw ang nag-comfort sakin noong iniwan ako ng ex-boyfriend ko 6years ago, sinamahan mo ako sa mga impulsive/biglaang decisions ko. Yung nagka-dengue ako 2years ago, ikaw nagdala sa akin sa ospital at nag-alaga. Palagi mo akong binibilhan ng Jollibee every month kapag sumisweldo ka. Palagi mo akong pinapautang sa tindahan mo noong mga panahong unemployed ako. Palagi kang nandyan, palagi. Pero sorry Ate Tas cause I take your presence for granted, dahil hindi ko napapahalagahan ang pagmamahal mo sa akin. Ang dami mong ginawang kabutihan, hindi ka na nga nag-asawa, kami na ang naging pamilya mo. 

Ang prayer ko ay sana gumaling at lumakas ka na. Mawala ng ang sakit ng ulo mo, kumaen ka ng healthy and ng tama para hindi na ma-trigger ang diabetes mo. Jesus is your healer, Ate Tas! Go and be healed na dahil mag-movie date tayo soon, manonood tayo ng KathNiel, and I’ll bring you to Salad Stop, masarap ang gulay nila doon. 

I love you, Ate Tas! Jesus loves you so much! You are healed, in Christ’s Mighty Name. 💞

Struggle Is Real: devil steals, Jesus Heals 

Sin begins in the head, I agree, I extremely agree. Sin begins as an idea brought to life. Sin begins with doubt, with insecurity, with pride. I’ve been sinning heavily in my head lately, and I’d like to share it now because I don’t want to struggle with lies and fearfully keep it to myself. Expose your sin!!! I want to get rid of this state because I’m very sure those ugly thoughts are no good, it would’ve trapped me to deleteriousness  like it did before. 

For the past 2weeks, I find myself “prospecting” for a potential boyfriend, I know it’s embarrassing and it’s an ugly feeling which probably birthed because I’ve been watching love story stuff lately and I wanted those romantic scenes for my life too. But my heart wasn’t in place, I wanted love wrongly and there came my mind thinking “Lord, pwede na ‘to, he’s kinda cute.” asking “Lord, could he be the one?” My gosh!  This is the least thing I want to think of and WORRY about, but they were lingering in my head! 😭 I caught myself sinning again on this aspect. And it’s my weakness. 

This usually happens when I don’t allot time reading the Bible & praying, and when I’m not surrounded with my family of believers. Lately, I don’t really get to go church and fellowship with my Christian friends. It’s been mostly about work. So I lost track, lost security. It’s amazing that my devotions lately would emphasize a lot about security. It’s what I’ve actually been praying for: to be so secured in Christ that I won’t feel the need of having someone to take care of me not out of pride but simply out of a hear fully satisfied, secured and content with the love I get from Above, from Him. Well, we’ll get there, by God’s grace. But I have to expose and confess this for now so I’ll get my reward in full.

6years single, 1year not dating, and Valentine’s Day is coming. Does my life suck? I’m very very excited as I share this. Last 2 weeks has been a roller coaster ride in my head. I’ve dealt with emotions I haven’t felt in a long time. These are emotions I don’t really like, willing spirit & weak flesh: being attracted at a non-Christian, flirting, compromising, negotiating with God in my head, asking “Lord, could he be the one?”. I never thought I could still actually feel all these. I panicked, (but I think) it was a good kind of panicking cause since I wasn’t feeling peace, I had to call Steffi and Issa, my spiritual leader/friends. I confessed what I was going through and had them pray for me. 

False love makes me out of focus, makes me insecure and self centered, false love makes me very irrational, makes me forget my responsibilities. I forgot I was charging my powerbank the other week because of a guy (I though) I liked. I had a flight to Cebu and it totally didn’t cross my mind to unplug it because I was distracted. Look, that doesn’t seem to make such a big deal to some, but it is to me, cause it’s a symptom already. I hope you don’t get the wrong impression on this, I just really really really wanna be preserved & reserved for my God’s Best. Bible says we have to be careful and sober-minded with our decision making. That moment made me backtrack to all the unworthy thigs I did in the name of FALSE love. Goosebumps! 

Eventually, God answers. Could that someone really be the one? And He clearly showed me a big NO. I began to see that the guy doesn’t seem to match the things in my prayer list. It’s good when you keep a non-negotiable list. It sets the standards, it gets your mind and heart back in place. Praise God for I am more discerning now, and I already get to fight my thoughts. Praise God for friends to pray with and His’ powerful Word that would speak gently yet firmly to me. He assured me in Psalm 121 that He will not allow my foot to slip. He knows I’m weak at this area, and He just wanted me to humble myself and ask for help. He is my Protector and He won’t slumber in guiding & getting me out of trouble. He will protect my life now and forever. 

2 of things to remind us SINGLES this commencing Valentine’s Season and always: 

1) Proverbs 4:23 Above all else, GUARD YOUR HEART, for everything you do flows from it. – Beshy, this is a serious deal. I used to think that tiny sins in my head don’t really matter, but these itsy-bitsy bad ideas led me to huge troubles then. Guarding your heart is an action verb, effort! Stay away from sin, choose your thoughts, confess it to someone who can pray for you. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy, when I had those bad thoughts the other week I totally lost my focus, no peace, that’s what the enemy does.  Jesus came that we may have life, and have it abundantly – John 10: 10. It practically felt like Christ fought for me during the two weeks of struggling. He swiftly answered my critical questions. Again, my non-negotiable list on my “God’s Best” helps a lot, it has kept me on standards. Make your own list too! It also made me realize that I really am still worldly in a lot of ways cause I’d get attracted to someone that doesn’t meet what I pray for. That’s what I pray to be changed now! So yeah, it takes deliberate effort to guard your heart.

2) Colossians 3:2 SET YOUR MIND on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. | Romans 8:5-7 For those who are according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who are according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace, because the mind set on the flesh is hostile toward God; for it does not subject itself to the law of God, for it is not even able to do so. — Peace is everything! Only Jesus can give it! If you don’t have peace, think again! Don’t be scared assessing yourself and questioning your thoughts. 

“My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand. I and the Father are one.” -Jesus



Note To Self: You will never perish, no one will snatch you out of Christ’s  hand. May you always find security and fullness of love in Him. GB is yet to come. For now, savor the life of being single and freely, peacefully, joyfully centered in His’ will. 💞 😉