Palawan (SepAnx)

 

The week before I went to Puerto Princesa, I prayed to enjoy the trip, to have a safe flight and to take home some good stories I could share to my blog. But things went differently, I didn’t expect that I won’t be able to compose any writing while I was there. I think God made me feel things more than analyze them.

Now I came up with a vital conclusion to my trip, I LOVE MY FAMILY, I mean the Rabajante clan (even the ones who didn’t make it to the trip) and I appreciate them MORE today than I used to. Cause back then I was so caught up with my worldly life, too selfish and conceited to actually keep them in mind. SELFISH, I want to stop being one, and be like my parents, aunts and uncles who would sacrificially give their time, finances, and best effort for the joy of our family, especially their children. I’m not saying that we are perfect, we are actually all flawed. I don’t like that my uncles and cousins love to drink alcohol cause they think that’s a generational trait of the family. I used to be a drunkard myself, but I can’t really take the credit for the changes of being cleansed from alcohol. It was Christ’s work. Also, it’s never an excuse for me not to honor them even if they’re (still) like that, for they will always always ALWAYS be my family. They shall always be in my prayers and one of my grand desires is to break the chain of alcoholism. Again, I’ll leave that up to Jesus. 

Going back to the trip… It was really good. I hope I could spend more time with them, talk to each of them and learn about their lives. I hope to be selfless enough to find time for our gatherings, be a friend to my older cousins, and a nice ‘ate/tita’ to my little cousins, nieces and nephews. I have all the time in the world now. I hope I could spend it wisely before I even make my own family. I hope to see the little Rabajante’s loving and glorifying the Lord. And I intensely pray that God would spare them from the pain of the generations before them. I believe it’s a promise from our Lord, that as we remain in Him, everything will be well with us. And it’s never wrong to desire wellness for your loved ones, right? 

I guess this is all I have to say for now. This is more of an appreciation entry. It’s just too weird and stupid for me to oblige and pressure myself to always come up with something inspirational when all God wants me to do now is be grateful. I’m grateful, a little sad that my quality time with them was short, but still GRATEFUL. 

I love my family. ❤️

   
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
 And God loves us so much, too much! We are His’. Declared. Claimed. Sealed. ❤️

 

A Love I Do Not Want

 Get me outta here.

I don’t want romance, fairy tale, happily ever after, whatever you call it I don’t want it. Keep it away from me.

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I don’t want a love that will drain the character you built in me. Not a worldly kind of love. One that is emotion-driven, that’s been built by deceitful sweet words and pleasurable moments. I don’t want a love that’s forced, a love without your blessing. I don’t want a love that will make me dishonor You, that’ll hurt You, that’ll rob Your good, pleasing and perfect plans for me and for the people around me.

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I don’t want a love orchestrated by my own hands, I’m not a good director, not as good as you. You write a better story than I do. I don’t want anything my mind creates and my heart feels, a love out of my own will and power.
I don’t want a love that hurts people, that steps on somebody, that’s displeasing to anyone. A love that may have a generational negative effect to my family, to my future children, even to my children’s children.

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I don’t want a love like mine, it’s dust compared to what you can create. This is not the love I wanted. This isn’t what I’d pray for. This isn’t my heart’s desire.

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I want a love like Yours. I want to love the way You do. Make me capable, make me selfless, make me courageous and hopeful in pursuing it. Make it firm, very firm that no evil in any form will be able to steal it. I don’t want to be deceived by my heart anymore. Give me a new heart, a heart like Yours, a love like Yours.

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You allowed this to happen because there’s going to be a testimony out of this, not to go with the world’s trend but to prove that it’s possible to get out of a hopeless situation. It’s not about me obeying You, but all about Your grace that sustains this obedience. It’s so hard and painful. I can’t believe I broke Your heart again. And here comes Your unlimited forgiveness pulling me out for the hundredth time from this trouble I caused.

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I want Your love. I want to be secure in it and firmly believe that Your plans will always be better than mine. I don’t want to keep hurting You anymore. I’m sorry. I love you.

Back to YOU

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Dear Jesus,

Hi. And so You have once again proved that I can never outsmart You. How thoughtless am I to think that I could do it my way, for the nth time. It’s been a tiring journey (away from You) and I am here again, dusting off as John Mayer’s song plays in my head:

Back to You
It always comes around
Back to You
I tried to forget You
I tried to stay away
But it’s too late

Over You
I’m never over
Over You
It’s something about You
It’s just the way You move
The way You move me

Yeah, I’m so good at forgetting
And I quit every game I play
But forgive me, Lord
I can’t turn and walk away this way…

I hope this is the last time I would have to relearn all these lessons. How dare I think that I could live away from Your peace. *Sigh* I can get really REALLY stubborn and stupid (sometimes) most of the time. So here we are again, restoring the relationship I built with You, reviving the Spirit that leads to Your way, and rekindling the right kind of love. Oh, was there a wrong kind? How do you call a love driven by impatience and selfishness? Oops, it wasn’t love, it’s SIN packaged and wrapped differently, but birthed the same-old-same-old poison in me. I’m sorry for breaking Your heart over and over and over again. Forgive me.

Please get me to a point wherein I will be so much delighted and satisfied in Your presence that I will forget worrying about the desires I have that I plotted in my own timeline. Please remove all the filthy and worthless ideas that are combating with the pleasing path You are leading me to. Please put to death my insecurities, my anxious thoughts, the pain of the past, and the fear of the future. I want to do this right. I want to live life Your way. Right now, every single day of my life.

Thank you for all the faith-stretching experiences, and for the season of pruning. Thank you for not tolerating my impulsive, unfair and shortcut decisions. Thank you for the Holy guilt, the Holy pain you allowed me to feel for me to finally realize that I was taking the direction away from You. Thank you for placing people in my life who didn’t judge and condemn me. Instead, they interceded that I may be here again, back to You.

I love you.

I’m sorry.

Again, I’m all Yours now.

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Love,

Your Stubborn Princess

Pageant ALL ACCESS

Last Sunday, June 28, was the coronation night of Miss Teen Earth and Little Miss Earth Philippines 2015. It was held in AFP Theater, a humbler event venue than the Mall of Asia Arena, where we had it last year. Can you just imagine the huge difference, especially with the cost? Since the pageant’s already over, I, now have the freedom to divulge anything I want to say about it. Not because I’m hiding something but because we were too busy organizing the show, I didn’t get an allotted time to write.

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Honestly, it was tough getting it all done and over with, cause it was the 1st time for our core team to mount an event this big. There were more out sourcing that happened last year, more money went out. For a better context, the amount spent this year is only about 6.4% of the amount spent last year. My point here is not dwelling on the disappointments and failed decisions, but realizing that an event’s success doesn’t always depend on how much money is spent. It didn’t have to be grand and show off. It’s simplicity, and it’s subjects (the candidates themselves, with the undying support of their families and handlers) were beautiful enough to make it succeed.

This year, we relied on what we have, and what we could offer for the show to happen. We focused on what’s feasible, attainable, practical and realistic. We learned how to be content in a situation like this. We kinda knew where to stop.

This ain’t ALL ACCESS only on the day of the coronation night, but a year of process. Yes, I am a witness. I’ve seen people come and go, some had to be cut off out of greediness, some out of false judgment, others found a better job, some caused by lack of interest or maybe too much interest that exceeded the company’s purpose, and eventually forgot about the advocacy. Despite it all, this is what I realized: (1) Things are bound to happen to humble us, and to make us better, God can always cause a bad situation to happen for His’ greater purpose. (2) He’s the judge, His’ truth doesn’t rely on the facades of today, we will all be judged in His’ time. Scary but true. (3) God wins over money all the time.

I, too can confidently state that integrity and honesty are virtues valued by Captured Dream Entertainment Productions. So if some may be asking if the results of the pageant were the “real results”, I’d say YES. No politics. The winners are legit Earth Champions! 😉

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Actually, all 40 candidates are winners for they didn’t give up even when the pageant was about to be canceled. They did all they could for it to push through even in a smaller scale. That’s why the company’s thankful to every single contribution given to the production team, and to the support given to the candidates for the pageant to go on smoothly. We are thankful for the parents/guardians/handlers, the sponsors who still signed up despite the reduction of the media mileages, the press people and pageant enthusiasts who came, the designers of the candidates’ gowns and national costumes that really stunned the crowd.

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I, personally would like to thank Janelle, for helping me out that night, for going extra mile with her tasks. Thank you my sister in Christ! ❤

Commit to the Lord whatever you do and your plans will succeed. – Proverbs 16:3

Have a peaceful and blessed weekend to all!