Coming home from work yesterday, I realized that almost my whole life I was always the one pursuing the boy/guy/man I like. Back when I was about 7years old I had a crush on my neighbor. I gave him a letter telling him that I like him. In 2nd year high school, I had a crush on a boy from the other class and all my friends knew about it, even the boy I liked knew it too. None of boys I liked pursued me. Perhaps because I wasn’t really as attractive as my other girl classmates were, I was boyish, I’d play basketball, I was the type who wouldn’t get flowers coming from an admirer every Valentines Day. Only my high school girl friends would give me roses back then. Haha. And why on earth did I want to be pursued back in my adolescent years? Uhg.
Every time a boy I liked would begin to like me, I’d refuse and I would eventually realize that I don’t like him anymore. For the ones I didn’t have a crush on, but liked me and courageously laid down their intentions, I’d usually give an instant “NO” and either verbally or mentally state these lines: please don’t like me, my decision won’t change, like someone else, go away. I would impulsively and emotionally do it just to get rid of the person without realizing how damaging my actions/thoughts/words could be to him.
I had 2 (ex) boyfriends, this was back in college. The 1st one pursued me because I saw his photo from a classmate’s phone, I found the guy cute, and I told my classmate to give him my number. I was practically the one who made the 1st move. We started texting, dated for a couple of days, became together, and our relationship lasted for two years. My 2nd boyfriend lasted for two years as well, but I can’t really say that he pursued me too because we just swiftly became together after my 1st boyfriend and I broke up. My relationships lasted pretty long but the foundations were shallow, it didn’t have Christ in the center, it was full of lies, petty arguments and insecurities, no doubt it all ended.
So here’s what I’ve realized: I had a distorted view of how dating/relationship/courtship shall be. I always thought it was okay for a woman to choose and pursue the man she likes. The truth though is that I shall never pursue a man, for it’s a man’s role to pursue a woman. I learned all these the hard and painful way, and I sincerely pray it won’t happen to any of you who’ll be able to stumble upon this blog.
When I learned about Jesus, that’s when I realized that I shall be pursued, for He is my ultimate pursuer even if I kept running away from Him a thousand times, He would still remind me of how much He loves me and He has forgiven me for all the wrong decisions I’ve made in my life. And there’s no condemnation in Him! That’s how much He sees me (us women) so purely and beautifully, just like Boaz’s love for Ruth despite her being a foreigner (she wasn’t Jewish), a widower (she wasn’t a virgin) and a servant girl (she wasn’t wealthy). Ultimately, despite my sinfulness and distorted beliefs, Jesus died for me, that I may be full of hope in believing that true love will come. In Christ, there’s no such thing as “hopeless romantic”, for His’ love for us is full of HOPE. And it’s where our path goes as we surrender our lives to Him. Mind you, it’s a daily surrender.
If you feel like making the first move for a man to like you, don’t. The happiest couples I know went through the right process of courtship. The woman was pursued by the man. The man prayed for the woman, asked the woman from the Lord. It was hard work, there were lots and lots of prayers. The women’s role during the process were to pray and wait. Again, to wait, to patiently wait and not make a single move that may trigger intentions and feelings that shouldn’t be orchestrated in the first place.
A lot of us may be chasing for true love; but as a woman, I believe God told me to stop. Because it was never my role to chase after love. I want to be like Ruth, to not just be seen by any man, but be understood, honored and revered by the one and only man the Lord’s preparing for me. (That’s gonna take a lot of work on my part as well. Faith without action is bs!) I want to be molded and be secured in Jesus at all times, that I may be worth it for His’ best for me. I think I found the right answer for the popular question of Adele’s song that a lot of women would ask: “Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements?” Answer (to me) is: give up! If you are a woman, give up the pursuit of the one you think is right for you. Only the Lord knows who’s right for you, and according to my married friends, a man only becomes the “right one” when there’s peace and joy as he pursues you, when it’s good and pleasing, and doesn’t cause you to breaking the Lord’s commandments.
I think what made me do all the pursuing are my fears. But I shall know that perfect love drives out fear. That as I immerse myself in the Lord’s Perfect love, all these fears will go away. I’m excited. I hope to this right (this time around), by His’ grace. And if there is One Man that I shall pursue as I patiently wait to be pursued by the one, that has got to be Christ alone. No other man!
(Wrote this April 2015, few add ons today)