When Pain Returns


I’m alright, I’m okay, I’m moving forward. It’s just one of those days that I didn’t expect, I wasn’t prepared for the pain to come back. The fears are hunting me again. What if I fail? What if things aren’t going the way I expect them to? I want to get outta here. Lord, I beg you get me out of this state. The past weeks were fine, but I feel like drowning again today.

I want to heal fully. I understand that this is part of the process, but please heal me. I want to forgive as much as You do, as much as You have forgiven all my sins. I want to forgive myself and others. I want to keep living Your truth. I praise You for this pain, for this humbling feeling, for reminding me that I’m nothing apart from You.

I love you, Jesus. Even when it hurts so much today… I love You. ='(

This too shall pass.

24 Things I’m Thankful For this September

Since I received Jesus and got baptized 4 years ago (September 24, 2011) I started considering the month of September as the Lord’s special month for me. I always get this expectant feeling of being extra-blessed every 9th month of the year. And I am. Here’s a swift review of my September 2015 gratitude list.

  1. (Always) Thankful for the life of this woman, and that one night we spent catching up, reading the Bible, praying and doing our devotion together. I also thank her for this cutie tiny pasalubong she gave me from China. Nikki’s got a Biblical explanation for it, she said that just like a plant, we are all growing. It’s encouraging because it cancels out the pressure of being “perfectly mature” but gives me all the hope in GROWING even more in love with HIM, my One, True Love! Nux! 2 Peter 3:18 says we shall grown in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ To Him be the glory, both now and to the day of eternity. Amen.
  2. Thankful for REST, for tea time, for relaxation. Rest is good, rest is from the Lord! Don’t overburden yourselves with work, rest! 😉IMG_7138
  3. Jog date with this lady! It’s literally been a year since we last did it. I just love how God rekindles crazy/beautiful friendship. And to you dear Inah, He will break you like those muscle tissues, it will hurt like an after workout feeling, but this time we’ll be around, be a friend and won’t “hiberdate” hahaha. Jesus will always be alive in you ABOVE ALL. I know. IMG_7628
  4. It’s been a year since I decided to go pescrtarian and I am thankful for the (much improved) discipline I have with food now.IMG_7167
  5. HE knows exactly what your favorite flower is.You would see some nice ones STRICTLY FOR APPRECIATION. Yet keep in mind that your favorite… is yet to be delivered. Lol! Thankful for this realization. Preserved and reserved for the one who deserves. 😉IMG_7176
  6. My nieceyy-goddaughter turns one. But JuJu was having a tantrum and didn’t like to take a photo with ninang. Huhu 😦 I dedicate your life to Jesus little one! You’ll be as sweet and as comforting as as ice cream as you grow up. 😋 IMG_7618
  7. Alyanna passed her exam as a financial adviser, answered prayer! IMG_7586
  8. I’m thankful for the opportunity to meet and spend legit quality time with Mayor Rodrigo Duterte. God proved me through this man’s life how possible it is for my nation to live in integrity, discipline and humility. It may not be his’ desire to be the country’s president but I sincerely believe that if the Lord says go, he can’t say no! The Lord is with you, Future P!IMG_7311
  9. Thankful to have met these children from Davao, they give me no reason to complain about my life, showed me hope in a whole new level! Truly, no sickness can stop them from enjoying the gift of life. Cancer does not define who they are, Jesus does. FullSizeRender
  10. Thankful because I will be able to visit them again on December, Jesus will fix my sched!
  11. Favored to ride this helicopter. IMG_7500
  12. Favored to see and capture this beautiful view. IMG_7391
  13. Favored to visit PEARL FARM, Samal Island.IMG_7432
  14. Favored for my Happy Meal.IMG_7478
  15. Favored for this unexpected team building workation time with my colleagues. IMG_7487
  16. Thankful to have this woman as my leader, for the candid and valuable things she teaches me through her life story, and for her humility to share it. You don’t encounter a boss like that all the time! Answered prayer, indeed. IMG_7405
  17. Thankful and giggling for the infinite blessings ahead. ☺️IMG_7491
  18. Got to celebrate Alyanna’s 26th birthday, honored her and prayed for her. ❤️😊IMG_7578
  19. Thankful for the long and heartfelt intercessory prayer my best friend gave me. You tearjerker! IMG_7589
  20. Thankful for new friends who would push me to want, know and love Him more.  
  21. Thankful for this message I received just now, literally now that I’m writing this blog. Billion, right, do the math! Oh Nikki, you’re such a sweetheart! 
  22. Thankful for His’ grace that enables me to surrender to Him again and again. 
  23. Thankful for clear answers. There really is no confusion in the Lord! IMG_7536
  24. Lastly, thank you for once again reminding me of my freedom, Jesus. Happy 4th Anniversary to us. 😊😊😊  

The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me, Because the LORD has anointed me To bring good news to the afflicted; He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to captives And freedom to prisoners… Isaiah 61:1

But now having been freed from sin and enslaved to God, you derive your benefit, resulting in sanctification, and the outcome, eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 6:22-23

When HE refuses to listen

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Lights, camera, action! That’s a wrap! Finally, I’m heading home. 

Earlier when I got off the cab at the gate of my village, while I was walking on my way home, a bitter/sweet thought dawned in me: “Lord, why don’t you just take me now? I want to be with You already.” This is how sinful and ungrateful I can be each time I get this premenstrual syndrome depression kinna thing— when I arrived home, I didn’t wonder why such thought came in, I got my period. Oh Lord, forgive me.

Can I just confess? I hate getting this monthly depression. It sucks that I allow it to control me most of the time. And I admit that I have to wilfully fight it because it impulsively makes me do irrational and really really dumb things. Really, stupid. Welcome to womanhood! However, I have to remind myself over and over again that if I truly believe that Christ died for me (or if any woman/lady/girl/female is in Him) then I would have to be convinced that I am a new creation, and truthfully absorb in my heart that my old self has gone, and the new me in Christ has come! In practical sense, I’m no longer defined by my age-gender-status-looks-feelings-emotions or ANY LABELS there may be. I am defined by how the Lord sees me (VICTORIOUS), not how I see myself, not how people perceive me to be, and definitely not how I would feel today. I can just imagine if all these crazy thoughts ever materialized, I could’ve died a thousand times already.

Thank God for the Grace! Romans 8:38-39 “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Maaan, I really am convinced! Neither my premenstrual syndrome nor all my anxious thoughts can separate me from His’ love! Because I am alive, in front of the computer typing all these, and He continuously  unfold my purpose as I do, as I live. Haiyayaiii… PERSEVERANCE!!!

And for tomorrow’s encouragement: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. (Lamentations 3:22-23)

Nuff said.