When HE refuses to listen

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Lights, camera, action! That’s a wrap! Finally, I’m heading home. 

Earlier when I got off the cab at the gate of my village, while I was walking on my way home, a bitter/sweet thought dawned in me: “Lord, why don’t you just take me now? I want to be with You already.” This is how sinful and ungrateful I can be each time I get this premenstrual syndrome depression kinna thing— when I arrived home, I didn’t wonder why such thought came in, I got my period. Oh Lord, forgive me.

Can I just confess? I hate getting this monthly depression. It sucks that I allow it to control me most of the time. And I admit that I have to wilfully fight it because it impulsively makes me do irrational and really really dumb things. Really, stupid. Welcome to womanhood! However, I have to remind myself over and over again that if I truly believe that Christ died for me (or if any woman/lady/girl/female is in Him) then I would have to be convinced that I am a new creation, and truthfully absorb in my heart that my old self has gone, and the new me in Christ has come! In practical sense, I’m no longer defined by my age-gender-status-looks-feelings-emotions or ANY LABELS there may be. I am defined by how the Lord sees me (VICTORIOUS), not how I see myself, not how people perceive me to be, and definitely not how I would feel today. I can just imagine if all these crazy thoughts ever materialized, I could’ve died a thousand times already.

Thank God for the Grace! Romans 8:38-39 “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Maaan, I really am convinced! Neither my premenstrual syndrome nor all my anxious thoughts can separate me from His’ love! Because I am alive, in front of the computer typing all these, and He continuously  unfold my purpose as I do, as I live. Haiyayaiii… PERSEVERANCE!!!

And for tomorrow’s encouragement: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. (Lamentations 3:22-23)

Nuff said.


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