I have come to accept and embrace that I really am an overly emotional being, and I no longer want to treat it as a weakness. The more I try to suppress it, the more it gets worse. So just be it, right? I’ll use it for my writing instead. Perhaps some lives may be touched as I keep on being true to my emotions.
Yesterday, I woke up with a really really bad head ache, and my temperature was so high. I had high fever. I told my family right away cause I wanted an immediate healing. I asked for their prayers, and they gave me the sweetest replies. I was crying while I was reading it all. I don’t know. I must miss them soooo much. I hope to see them soon. I pray that God will finally grant me a visa to the U.S.A. next year. A friend of mine just got her Canadian Visa approved and we’ve prayed for it for more than a year. If it could happen to my friend, I guess it’s not so bad to pray for a US Visa for myself too. Missing my family should be a valid reason, right? More than 10years of not seeing my parents (and some of my siblings) must be long enough for me to wait and finally have my prayers granted. So yeah, I’m boldly praying for a US Visa next year. Lord, will you please answer my prayer? Pretty please?
The last time I was sick, I expected to be taken care of but I just got frustrated. Since then, I decided that I’ll try as much as I could to be the one to take care of myself, so I prayed hard yesterday, took some meds and be well rested to get well swiftly, and not rely on anyone for help. Here goes her prideful and bitter heart again haha. But God loves me so much, He gave me someone who truly cares for me. He gave me Ate Tas, she bought me medicines, massaged me, wiped my body with warm water w/ alcohol, got me fruits and milk to eat, she was my nurse the whole day, today. And I am sooo thankful for her life. I feel guilty for failing at being nice to her at times, and I hope I get to value her as much as she values and takes care of me. ='( I love you Ate Tas. You may never be able to read this but thank you so much for being my superhero at my most vulnerable state.
Growing up without my parents, I’ve been independent and blessed for not being prone to sickness. But when I get sick, it’s bad, and it feels really sad huhu. Funny and ironic cause the state of my health now is similar with what I’ve read lately in my savored book, Captivating: that it’s okay to be vulnerable, to be weak. So I’m trying to enjoy this weak feeling even if I don’t like it. My flesh and my heart may fail, but Jesus is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. And again, because of that, I rejoice in my weakness!
Another thing that kept me happy and sad today is my addiction to JaDine love team. Since I couldn’t go out and attend a church service, I stayed in my room the entire day and spent a few hours watching their videos on YouTube. I really like the chemistry of James Reid and Nadine Lustre. I find their acting so natural, plus they both could dance and sing. I even memorized some of their songs already, watched their 1st movie (Diary Ng Panget) on YouTube, watched 2 of their other movies (Talk Back And You’re Dead and Para Sa Hopeless Romantic) in the cinema. I also like that they don’t lie to the public about their relationship status, that they really are just friends in real life. Honesty is everything! It’s freedom! Must be the reason why they’re so effective with their acting. What made me sad then? It’s the feels I got when I watched one of their music videos: Say You’ll Never Go. Hahahaha. Again, I am not going to be sorry for being emotional. My blog, my prerogative.
But just to be very honest, of course I do not like feeling sad (duh) but I believe going through all roller coaster emotions are part of the process of my molding as a Christian. I will surely look back at these writing one day and see a completely different person. For now, this is who I am, this is how I feel. For now, I may be weak, I am free to be weak. But in time, it’s gonna be a different me reading these posts. He’s changing me from glory to glory. He’s continuously sanctifying me. And the sadness, it will pass. And again, because of Him, I rejoice in my weakness!