To All The Men I Thought I Loved Before


This is spontaneous writing. Just in case you thought of checking out how I am now. I’m doing alright. This goes to you, to all of you that I said “I love you too” back in the days, I think I didn’t really mean any of it. I just liked the idea of having someone to say the big words to. I’d just throw it away without really meaning ’em. Forgive me, I was hopeless romantic. I was selfish and conceited. I’m sorry in every and any way I hurt you, in case I did. And to the ones I purposefully hurt and cheated on, I’m sorry for stepping on your ego. I’m sorry if I distorted the idea of love in your pov. I’ve also forgiven you for hurting me. I don’t want any bitterness and hurt living in my mind and my chest, I don’t want to live confused about the real essence of love. I sincerely want you all to live in joy and peace, with whoever you are with or wherever path the Lord leads you to. I’m sorry for telling you promises I didn’t mean. Or maybe I meant them, but I broke them. I’m posting this because I want to be free from any pain of the past, cause I want to be ready for the right one. I believe there’s true love right there for all of us. And we’ll only be found by it in humility, gentleness and kindness. I don’t know when mine’s coming but I sincerely believe I gotta do this today. I want to be ready for my God’s Best and it includes freeing myself from all pain. Again, I am truly sorry. May Jesus reign in your hearts.

Sissel Ria

Getting There

You know what I’ve been learning lately? I meant not cause I’ve read it somewhere, but because I do see it myself. We all suck at one thing, sometimes we’re in denial, but it shows in our eyes and it couldn’t be concealed. We suck at our hearts, it is awful — well, apart from the One who created it. That’s cause we’re given the free will to make it function, to choose, and most of the time our choice is to be dumb, we don’t guard it well, we choose sin. 

Indeed, there is no one on earth who is righteous, no one who does what is right and never sins. Ecclesiastes 7:20 

For all have sinned and fall short of the Lord’s glory, that includes the decisions we make with our relationships that could be decisions away from Him. Our visions cater only for ourselves. We settle for anything or anyone temporal. We settle for what’s bearable instead of waiting for what’s best. 

It’s only until we open our hearts to our Original Lover that we truly understand why it beats. Jesus, in Him we have redemption through His’ blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His’ grace. -Ephesians 1:7 Men, He really is the Ultimate and Only answer to our riddles and endless arguments, the Only One who can redeem us, the One Solution to the gazillion issues we have. I can attest to it. I see it in my life when I chose Him. And to convince you even more, I see it in my friends’ lives too as they’ve decided to choose Him. Oh by the way, it is a daily surrender, so we choose Him daily. He’s THE Way, THE Truth and THE life. That doesn’t leave us any other choice. Unless we want the wrong way, to hell.

Hesitant? Pray some more. Ask for courage, wisdom and strength. He will lead you to His’ peace. Peace, that’s something only the Lord can offer. When there’s no peace, girl, you better think twice. 🙄 

Hard to let go? Surrender. Obedience is what He asks from us. You may not understand why but trust the faith He instilled in you. God doesn’t have an ugly plan. Every good and perfect gift is from Him. 🙂 

Healing? Good job. Keep persevering. Perseverance is the key. It’s not easy, but you’re almost there. Don’t lose your focus and keep doing what you ought to do. Coldplay says nobody said it was easy, but hey, let Christ fix you. 😉

Healed? Go ahead and be used by Him to reach out to the ones going through the same pain you’ve gone through. Go live out your purpose and give Him glory. Mark 1:17 Jesus said “Follow me, and I will make you become fishers of men.” Use your pain to bless people, to get people to know Him, that they may get others to know Him too. 😁

Choosing Jesus wasn’t easy. Gosh!!! Sobrang hirap. I was very very very stubborn. But He persistently sent people to guide me to His truth, He pursued and enticed me to His’ glory. Everyday, He gives me a reason to obey. Struggle was real, and still is. But it gets better. 🙂 I may have been very-very-very hard headed, but Holy-Holy-Holy is the Lord God, Almighty. Let’s choose Jesus, and let everyone witness the GREATEST STORY EVER TOLD. 😘

Dear False Lover

Dear False Lover,

Hi. I’ll try to explain this nicest way possible. First, let me go straight to my request — that you keep your distance from me. Let’s be away from each other because there’s a lot of reasons why we would not want to make our paths cross. We are a waste of each other’s time. We don’t complement each other. We pull each other down. We are clearly not meant to be so why in the world will we still put so much effort to something that’s going nowhere? Let’s not be after temporary pleasure just because we’re bored and feeling lonely. I’m begging you to stay away because relationship is my weakness, you don’t want me to be messing up my life, right? You wouldn’t want to see me unproductive, miserably tangled to you and desperately begging that you love me the way I want to be loved. We don’t want to be hurting each other. I don’t want to keep feeling insecure because of the random women you follow on Instagram, especially the ones in bikinis. I can’t argue about that anymore. And your sneaky private messages to other women, it’s exhausting and draining. I can’t change you. Maybe we really have different standards, which validates it more that we are not meant to be. 

Don’t try to call me, don’t pretend you got wrong send with your text messages. Don’t like my social media posts because it affects me. We could just block each other, I think that’ll make us both easily move on. 

I don’t have time to mess up my life. I have my family and friends and the people who need my attention the most. I don’t want to hurt you, anyone and I don’t want to get hurt too, not anymore. I become selfish when I think of you, I focus on myself and how I’ll please you, how you’ll adore and notice me. It sucks. It’s not my duty to pursue you. Love doesn’t work that way.

Don’t try to justify that you’re the right one for me. You’re not. Love doesn’t lie, it doesn’t make you feel less valued, it doesn’t rush, it’s not kept in the dark, it’s not just you and I, it advances people’s lives and inspires many. Ours doesn’t. It’s always a struggle trying to keep up with how you want us to be. I always try to be in control too, inorganic. I don’t have peace and joy. Where’s the Lord’s blessing right there?  

I hope your life goes well, that you don’t hurt any woman whether intentionally or unconsciously. Don’t get yourself hurt too. May you have the consistent integrity to pursue Christ not just by words, but through actions. May you learn to make a stand for a woman, singular, just one, the one you will courageously love and spend the rest of your life with.

With me, I’ll try my best to do the same. I’ll improve my life and enjoy being single until God’s Best comes. I’ll embrace my solo season, won’t be flirting and dating around. I’ll keep my guard up. And I begin right now. 

Farewell to you. Jesus loves you.

(Insert Name)