Sin begins in the head, I agree, I extremely agree. Sin begins as an idea brought to life. Sin begins with doubt, with insecurity, with pride. I’ve been sinning heavily in my head lately, and I’d like to share it now because I don’t want to struggle with lies and fearfully keep it to myself. Expose your sin!!! I want to get rid of this state because I’m very sure those ugly thoughts are no good, it would’ve trapped me to deleteriousness like it did before.
For the past 2weeks, I find myself “prospecting” for a potential boyfriend, I know it’s embarrassing and it’s an ugly feeling which probably birthed because I’ve been watching love story stuff lately and I wanted those romantic scenes for my life too. But my heart wasn’t in place, I wanted love wrongly and there came my mind thinking “Lord, pwede na ‘to, he’s kinda cute.” asking “Lord, could he be the one?” My gosh! This is the least thing I want to think of and WORRY about, but they were lingering in my head! 😭 I caught myself sinning again on this aspect. And it’s my weakness.
This usually happens when I don’t allot time reading the Bible & praying, and when I’m not surrounded with my family of believers. Lately, I don’t really get to go church and fellowship with my Christian friends. It’s been mostly about work. So I lost track, lost security. It’s amazing that my devotions lately would emphasize a lot about security. It’s what I’ve actually been praying for: to be so secured in Christ that I won’t feel the need of having someone to take care of me not out of pride but simply out of a hear fully satisfied, secured and content with the love I get from Above, from Him. Well, we’ll get there, by God’s grace. But I have to expose and confess this for now so I’ll get my reward in full.
6years single, 1year not dating, and Valentine’s Day is coming. Does my life suck? I’m very very excited as I share this. Last 2 weeks has been a roller coaster ride in my head. I’ve dealt with emotions I haven’t felt in a long time. These are emotions I don’t really like, willing spirit & weak flesh: being attracted at a non-Christian, flirting, compromising, negotiating with God in my head, asking “Lord, could he be the one?”. I never thought I could still actually feel all these. I panicked, (but I think) it was a good kind of panicking cause since I wasn’t feeling peace, I had to call Steffi and Issa, my spiritual leader/friends. I confessed what I was going through and had them pray for me.
False love makes me out of focus, makes me insecure and self centered, false love makes me very irrational, makes me forget my responsibilities. I forgot I was charging my powerbank the other week because of a guy (I though) I liked. I had a flight to Cebu and it totally didn’t cross my mind to unplug it because I was distracted. Look, that doesn’t seem to make such a big deal to some, but it is to me, cause it’s a symptom already. I hope you don’t get the wrong impression on this, I just really really really wanna be preserved & reserved for my God’s Best. Bible says we have to be careful and sober-minded with our decision making. That moment made me backtrack to all the unworthy thigs I did in the name of FALSE love. Goosebumps!
Eventually, God answers. Could that someone really be the one? And He clearly showed me a big NO. I began to see that the guy doesn’t seem to match the things in my prayer list. It’s good when you keep a non-negotiable list. It sets the standards, it gets your mind and heart back in place. Praise God for I am more discerning now, and I already get to fight my thoughts. Praise God for friends to pray with and His’ powerful Word that would speak gently yet firmly to me. He assured me in Psalm 121 that He will not allow my foot to slip. He knows I’m weak at this area, and He just wanted me to humble myself and ask for help. He is my Protector and He won’t slumber in guiding & getting me out of trouble. He will protect my life now and forever.
2 of things to remind us SINGLES this commencing Valentine’s Season and always:
1) Proverbs 4:23 Above all else, GUARD YOUR HEART, for everything you do flows from it. – Beshy, this is a serious deal. I used to think that tiny sins in my head don’t really matter, but these itsy-bitsy bad ideas led me to huge troubles then. Guarding your heart is an action verb, effort! Stay away from sin, choose your thoughts, confess it to someone who can pray for you. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy, when I had those bad thoughts the other week I totally lost my focus, no peace, that’s what the enemy does. Jesus came that we may have life, and have it abundantly – John 10: 10. It practically felt like Christ fought for me during the two weeks of struggling. He swiftly answered my critical questions. Again, my non-negotiable list on my “God’s Best” helps a lot, it has kept me on standards. Make your own list too! It also made me realize that I really am still worldly in a lot of ways cause I’d get attracted to someone that doesn’t meet what I pray for. That’s what I pray to be changed now! So yeah, it takes deliberate effort to guard your heart.
2) Colossians 3:2 SET YOUR MIND on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. | Romans 8:5-7 For those who are according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who are according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace, because the mind set on the flesh is hostile toward God; for it does not subject itself to the law of God, for it is not even able to do so. — Peace is everything! Only Jesus can give it! If you don’t have peace, think again! Don’t be scared assessing yourself and questioning your thoughts.
“My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand. I and the Father are one.” -Jesus
Note To Self: You will never perish, no one will snatch you out of Christ’s hand. May you always find security and fullness of love in Him. GB is yet to come. For now, savor the life of being single and freely, peacefully, joyfully centered in His’ will. 💞 😉