At this very moment in my life, I believe I’m taking a detour. Dictionary defines detour as a way of getting to a place that is indirect and longer than the usual way, and which is taken in order to avoid a particular problem. An alternative route for use by traffic when the usual road is temporarily closed.
I believe I’m in a place where God will still take me to where He promises me to be, but it is necessary for me to go through His redirection, this detour, because He cares more about my heart than my success status. 1 Samuel 16:7 says “The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” I lost my job almost 2 months ago today, prior to losing it I would always pray that the Lord humbles my heart, *tuh-daa!* prayer granted! Losing my job as a flight attendant has been very humbling. I am grateful to immediately recognized that it was wholly and practically my fault why I got terminated. I was on probationary period for 5months. I knew I was going to take a written exam for my permanency and I did not review, I know my capabilities and I know exams aren’t something I should be complacent with because I know that I easily forget lessons that’s why extra effort of studying is a must for me to grasp things well. So yes, I failed because I deserved to fail. I did not deserve the permanency. Simple analogy, no one is to blame but myself and my irresponsibility.
I would lie if I’d say that losing my job at PAL didn’t hurt me. I did love the job and I was passionate about it to an extent. Practically, on In-flight Duty Free sales and dealing with passengers; but flight safety knowledge is non-negotiable, and I was weak at safety. Maybe I didn’t love the job enough cause if I did, I would’ve exerted more effort on areas I am weak at. Same with the Lord, there’d be days l’d feel like I don’t love Christ enough to obey Him & be fully convinced of His love for me. Faith, unaccompanied by action is dead. I lost the job because I didn’t take action on the faith I professed. Perhaps, it wasn’t faith at all.
I cannot expect a pleasant result for things I would do half heartedly. God gives and takes away. He takes away especially when He sees that I am unable to take care of the blessing. I did not take care of mine. Lesson learned, and as a Christian, I am sincerely, deeply and humbly sorry.
I’m also grateful because though I know that my love for God will never be enough, that no matter how many times I have broken His heart with all the ugly things I’ve done, He remains faithful. His character doesn’t change. And that loving character He has is where I’m holding on to now, to being constantly transformed to becoming a better Christian. I needed this detour to be reminded of all these all over again.
For now, I want to productively and graciously savor this redirection. I did apply for a job, still as a flight attendant because I sincerely still want to be one. If I make it, I’ll tell you, and please pray with me, that I’ll be good at it this time around, that I will finally be able to show that I really do love the job. If I don’t make it, there will always be somewhere else He will place me in, and I do declare that only by His grace and mercy I will be able to excel at it and give Him glory. His will alone be done. All I know now is no matter what career I end up doing, GRACE will always back me up, I’ll get there when I’m ready. My hope is in Christ.
“Lord, my heart is not proud; my eyes are not haughty. I do not get involved with things too great or too difficult for me. Instead, I have calmed and quieted myself like a little weaned child with its mother; I am like a little child. Israel, put your hope in the Lord, both now and forever.” Psalms 131:1-3