A Necessary Detour 

At this very moment in my life, I believe I’m taking a detour. Dictionary defines detour as a way of getting to a place that is indirect and longer than the usual way, and which is taken in order to avoid a particular problem. An alternative route for use by traffic when the usual road is temporarily closed.

I believe I’m in a place where God will still take me to where He promises me to be, but it is necessary for me to go through His redirection, this detour, because He cares more about my heart than my success status. 1 Samuel 16:7 says “The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” I lost my job almost 2 months ago today, prior to losing it I would always pray that the Lord humbles my heart, *tuh-daa!* prayer granted! Losing my job as a flight attendant has been very humbling. I am grateful to immediately recognized that it was wholly and practically my fault why I got terminated. I was on probationary period for 5months. I knew I was going to take a written exam for my permanency and I did not review, I know my capabilities and I know exams aren’t something I should be complacent with because I know that I easily forget lessons that’s why extra effort of studying is a must for me to grasp things well. So yes, I failed because I deserved to fail. I did not deserve the permanency. Simple analogy, no one is to blame but myself and my irresponsibility. 

I would lie if I’d say that losing my job at PAL didn’t hurt me. I did love the job and I was passionate about it to an extent. Practically, on In-flight Duty Free sales and dealing with passengers; but flight safety knowledge is non-negotiable, and I was weak at safety. Maybe I didn’t love the job enough cause if I did, I would’ve exerted more effort on areas I am weak at. Same with the Lord, there’d be days l’d feel like I don’t love Christ enough to obey Him & be fully convinced of His love for me. Faith, unaccompanied by action is dead. I lost the job because I didn’t take action on the faith I professed. Perhaps, it wasn’t faith at all. 

I cannot expect a pleasant result for things I would do half heartedly. God gives and takes away. He takes away especially when He sees that I am unable to take care of the blessing. I did not take care of mine. Lesson learned, and as a Christian, I am sincerely, deeply and humbly sorry. 

I’m also grateful because though I know that my love for God will never be enough, that no matter how many times I have broken His heart with all the ugly things I’ve done, He remains faithful. His character doesn’t change. And that loving character He has is where I’m holding on to now, to being constantly transformed to becoming a better Christian. I needed this detour to be reminded of all these all over again. 

For now, I want to productively and graciously savor this redirection. I did apply for a job, still as a flight attendant because I sincerely still want to be one. If I make it, I’ll tell you, and please pray with me, that I’ll be good at it this time around, that I will finally be able to show that I really do love the job. If I don’t make it, there will always be somewhere else He will place me in, and I do declare that only by His grace and mercy I will be able to excel at it and give Him glory. His will alone be done. All I know now is no matter what career I end up doing, GRACE will always back me up, I’ll get there when I’m ready. My hope is in Christ. 

“Lord, my heart is not proud; my eyes are not haughty. I do not get involved with things too great or too difficult for me. Instead, I have calmed and quieted myself like a little weaned child with its mother; I am like a little child. Israel, put your hope in the Lord, both now and forever.” Psalms‬ ‭131:1-3‬ 

Struggle Is Real: devil steals, Jesus Heals 

Sin begins in the head, I agree, I extremely agree. Sin begins as an idea brought to life. Sin begins with doubt, with insecurity, with pride. I’ve been sinning heavily in my head lately, and I’d like to share it now because I don’t want to struggle with lies and fearfully keep it to myself. Expose your sin!!! I want to get rid of this state because I’m very sure those ugly thoughts are no good, it would’ve trapped me to deleteriousness  like it did before. 

For the past 2weeks, I find myself “prospecting” for a potential boyfriend, I know it’s embarrassing and it’s an ugly feeling which probably birthed because I’ve been watching love story stuff lately and I wanted those romantic scenes for my life too. But my heart wasn’t in place, I wanted love wrongly and there came my mind thinking “Lord, pwede na ‘to, he’s kinda cute.” asking “Lord, could he be the one?” My gosh!  This is the least thing I want to think of and WORRY about, but they were lingering in my head! 😭 I caught myself sinning again on this aspect. And it’s my weakness. 

This usually happens when I don’t allot time reading the Bible & praying, and when I’m not surrounded with my family of believers. Lately, I don’t really get to go church and fellowship with my Christian friends. It’s been mostly about work. So I lost track, lost security. It’s amazing that my devotions lately would emphasize a lot about security. It’s what I’ve actually been praying for: to be so secured in Christ that I won’t feel the need of having someone to take care of me not out of pride but simply out of a hear fully satisfied, secured and content with the love I get from Above, from Him. Well, we’ll get there, by God’s grace. But I have to expose and confess this for now so I’ll get my reward in full.

6years single, 1year not dating, and Valentine’s Day is coming. Does my life suck? I’m very very excited as I share this. Last 2 weeks has been a roller coaster ride in my head. I’ve dealt with emotions I haven’t felt in a long time. These are emotions I don’t really like, willing spirit & weak flesh: being attracted at a non-Christian, flirting, compromising, negotiating with God in my head, asking “Lord, could he be the one?”. I never thought I could still actually feel all these. I panicked, (but I think) it was a good kind of panicking cause since I wasn’t feeling peace, I had to call Steffi and Issa, my spiritual leader/friends. I confessed what I was going through and had them pray for me. 

False love makes me out of focus, makes me insecure and self centered, false love makes me very irrational, makes me forget my responsibilities. I forgot I was charging my powerbank the other week because of a guy (I though) I liked. I had a flight to Cebu and it totally didn’t cross my mind to unplug it because I was distracted. Look, that doesn’t seem to make such a big deal to some, but it is to me, cause it’s a symptom already. I hope you don’t get the wrong impression on this, I just really really really wanna be preserved & reserved for my God’s Best. Bible says we have to be careful and sober-minded with our decision making. That moment made me backtrack to all the unworthy thigs I did in the name of FALSE love. Goosebumps! 

Eventually, God answers. Could that someone really be the one? And He clearly showed me a big NO. I began to see that the guy doesn’t seem to match the things in my prayer list. It’s good when you keep a non-negotiable list. It sets the standards, it gets your mind and heart back in place. Praise God for I am more discerning now, and I already get to fight my thoughts. Praise God for friends to pray with and His’ powerful Word that would speak gently yet firmly to me. He assured me in Psalm 121 that He will not allow my foot to slip. He knows I’m weak at this area, and He just wanted me to humble myself and ask for help. He is my Protector and He won’t slumber in guiding & getting me out of trouble. He will protect my life now and forever. 

2 of things to remind us SINGLES this commencing Valentine’s Season and always: 

1) Proverbs 4:23 Above all else, GUARD YOUR HEART, for everything you do flows from it. – Beshy, this is a serious deal. I used to think that tiny sins in my head don’t really matter, but these itsy-bitsy bad ideas led me to huge troubles then. Guarding your heart is an action verb, effort! Stay away from sin, choose your thoughts, confess it to someone who can pray for you. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy, when I had those bad thoughts the other week I totally lost my focus, no peace, that’s what the enemy does.  Jesus came that we may have life, and have it abundantly – John 10: 10. It practically felt like Christ fought for me during the two weeks of struggling. He swiftly answered my critical questions. Again, my non-negotiable list on my “God’s Best” helps a lot, it has kept me on standards. Make your own list too! It also made me realize that I really am still worldly in a lot of ways cause I’d get attracted to someone that doesn’t meet what I pray for. That’s what I pray to be changed now! So yeah, it takes deliberate effort to guard your heart.

2) Colossians 3:2 SET YOUR MIND on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. | Romans 8:5-7 For those who are according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who are according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace, because the mind set on the flesh is hostile toward God; for it does not subject itself to the law of God, for it is not even able to do so. — Peace is everything! Only Jesus can give it! If you don’t have peace, think again! Don’t be scared assessing yourself and questioning your thoughts. 

“My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand. I and the Father are one.” -Jesus



Note To Self: You will never perish, no one will snatch you out of Christ’s  hand. May you always find security and fullness of love in Him. GB is yet to come. For now, savor the life of being single and freely, peacefully, joyfully centered in His’ will. 💞 😉  

2 Months Married

To my job. Yes, married to my job. Don’t worry, I’m not idolizing this career. That’s one thing I prayed for, that He grants me a job I won’t value above Him in my life. In case it happens, might as well take it away. I don’t want anything anymore, or even anyone to be my priority more than the relationship I have with Jesus. That would be exhausting.

I call it marriage because I believe a Christ-centered marriage doesn’t contradict or overpower God in your life, and it points people to His glory. A Christ-orchestrated-marriage is a glorious thing, it is savored with blessings and favor and peace. It also comes with challenges, with learning what to unlearn, what to get rid off to make the marriage work out, and acquiring certain qualities that will help the marriage flourish. A Christ-centered marriage, I also believe won’t go through divorce/annulment/separation. It is ever persevering and pressing on to work out, to get better.

My first two months at work were perfectly imperfect. I realized I have so much to learn. I’ve been checked 3x by cabin safety managers on my first month and it felt like all my boo-boo’s piled up and it caused me so much frustrations. These are some of the things I learned though: 1) I had to ACCEPT that I have so much to work on, I can’t just cry it out, I gotta work it it out. Exert an effort, do something to help myself get better; because faith without action is dead. In James 2:24 it says that a person is justified by works and not by faith alone. If I want excellence, I must not be complacent, I must work. 2Thessalonians 3:10 says “If anyone isn’t willing to work, he should not eat.” 2) I’m still adjusting, my gosh I’ve only been “married” for two months. I can’t be too “OC-hard” on myself. I should be grateful for the pointers I’m getting, because it gives me all the chances to get better NOW. No discipline seems enjoyable at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it yields the fruit of peace and righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Hebrews 12:11 3) I won’t give up on my marriage. He won’t give me anything I can’t handle. My flesh and my heart fails: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever. -Psalm 73:26 

In a marriage, counseling is also important. I’m glad and blessed that He orchestrated flight schedules with people to encourage me, give constructive criticisms and teach me matters to help me improve at work. (Divine appointments!) The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice. Proverbs 12:15 I’m guilty for being a fool at some point, not wanting to accept that there are things that I have to work on with. People won’t notice a mistake and tell you more than twice if it doesn’t exist. I’m convicted. I have to change — for the better. 

Honestly, I’m challenged at my job. There are perks, yes, free travels, sustenance of food and comfortable place to stay in. But I don’t want to focus on the perks, I want to be good. I want to glorify Him with how I perform. I want to change, be transformed for this marriage to work out. Pray with me. 

Let’s pray for each other. May our careers give Him glory. 

Let the favor of the Lord our God be on us; establish for us the work of our hands– establish the work of our hands! Psalm 90:17

The LORD will grant you a blessing on your storehouses and on everything you do; He will bless you in the land the LORD your God is giving you. Deuteronomy 28:8



The Unmarried Wife Aftermath 

I’ve been reserving my thoughts on adultery for a book I wanted to write in the future that I haven’t even drafted yet. But cause I watched such an impactful movie last night, it could no longer wait. Forget about the book. This isn’t a movie review. This is my piece, not out of research, but out of a bold experience. First, let me state that falling in love with a married man was the dumbest, most selfish decision I did, most unloving path I chose, most painful event that ever happened in my life. This proved how filthy and sinful I was, and how much I needed Christ to take over every part of my being. I was so lost, so insecure, so stupid. 

I thought I already knew Christ when it happened. I thought I was already leading people to Him. I was so defensive thinking I wasn’t doing anything wrong. But it unfolded right before my eyes, seeing people in pain and confused because of my hardheadedness,  and deep in my core I did not have joy & peace. It took me months not being able to sleep well, I’d wake up in the middle of the night being hunted by the thought, the TRUTH rather. “Adultery is a sin, it’s a trap, it’s a curse, get out of it.” But I was stubborn, wrestling with God and defending my situation to Him over and over again, and I’d call myself a “mature” Christian then, what a shame! I’d ask for signs. I’d always land on Bible verses telling me to let go, but I wouldn’t. It was so tough. I felt like I was being the ultimate hypocrite for proclaiming the Gospel and not living out His’ 7th commandment: THOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY. I battled hard with the Truth, fought so hard, it left me tired & empty. 

Until God’s GRACE came to pull me out of  my sin. He sent people who courageously rebuked and reminded me of my worth in the Him. There were literally a lot of them who prayed and petitioned to Him for me. He’d talk to me through my Bible reading, church services, even podcasts and worship songs. He persistently tells me to surrender, that He has greater and way better plans for me than I had for myself. Again, my plans were very selfish. This blog is an understatement of how Christ, my Lord and Savior miraculously worked in my life on this matter. He pulled me out of sin, pulled me out of adultery. And I couldn’t thank Him enough for the genuine freedom and love that I experience now through Him and the right people He brought to my life to appreciate the unceasing love He has for me through them. 

This goes to you who finds so hard to let go, you may be in a situation similar with my past sin, or you have something/anything else that you believe in your heart God’s telling you to let go of but you couldn’t. I will not lie to you, the Spirit is willing but the flesh is weak, and I know how hard it is. But I beg you, your future is at stake here, just let go. It may not make sense at first, but just let go. It hurts so badly, but let go. God didn’t die for you only to live in a distorted and deceptive love promoted by the world. Surrendering is hard but it will be worth it. Hold on to your faith, to the Gospel, and the only absolute truth. What God has put together, let no man separate. Leave before it’s too late, or even if you feel like it’s too late already, leave anyway. Because God will never bless a relationship He didn’t orchestrate. All His’ plans are GOOD, PLEASING and PERFECT. Choose to obey, choose His’ Master Plan. The hurt, you will be able to endure it because He will be with you, you’re not in that alone, He will be your comfort and strength as you go through the process of letting go, asking for forgiveness, healing, and forgiving yourself. He will never leave nor forsake you. Like He did to me, like He always do.

For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. -Romans6:23


Dear False Lover


Dear False Lover,

Hi. I’ll try to explain this nicest way possible. First, let me go straight to my request — that you keep your distance from me. Let’s be away from each other because there’s a lot of reasons why we would not want to make our paths cross. We are a waste of each other’s time. We don’t complement each other. We pull each other down. We are clearly not meant to be so why in the world will we still put so much effort to something that’s going nowhere? Let’s not be after temporary pleasure just because we’re bored and feeling lonely. I’m begging you to stay away because relationship is my weakness, you don’t want me to be messing up my life, right? You wouldn’t want to see me unproductive, miserably tangled to you and desperately begging that you love me the way I want to be loved. We don’t want to be hurting each other. I don’t want to keep feeling insecure because of the random women you follow on Instagram, especially the ones in bikinis. I can’t argue about that anymore. And your sneaky private messages to other women, it’s exhausting and draining. I can’t change you. Maybe we really have different standards, which validates it more that we are not meant to be. 

Don’t try to call me, don’t pretend you got wrong send with your text messages. Don’t like my social media posts because it affects me. We could just block each other, I think that’ll make us both easily move on. 

I don’t have time to mess up my life. I have my family and friends and the people who need my attention the most. I don’t want to hurt you, anyone and I don’t want to get hurt too, not anymore. I become selfish when I think of you, I focus on myself and how I’ll please you, how you’ll adore and notice me. It sucks. It’s not my duty to pursue you. Love doesn’t work that way.

Don’t try to justify that you’re the right one for me. You’re not. Love doesn’t lie, it doesn’t make you feel less valued, it doesn’t rush, it’s not kept in the dark, it’s not just you and I, it advances people’s lives and inspires many. Ours doesn’t. It’s always a struggle trying to keep up with how you want us to be. I always try to be in control too, inorganic. I don’t have peace and joy. Where’s the Lord’s blessing right there?  

I hope your life goes well, that you don’t hurt any woman whether intentionally or unconsciously. Don’t get yourself hurt too. May you have the consistent integrity to pursue Christ not just by words, but through actions. May you learn to make a stand for a woman, singular, just one, the one you will courageously love and spend the rest of your life with.

With me, I’ll try my best to do the same. I’ll improve my life and enjoy being single until God’s Best comes. I’ll embrace my solo season, won’t be flirting and dating around. I’ll keep my guard up. And I begin right now. 

Farewell to you. Jesus loves you.

Sincerely,
(Insert Name)

Sweet Nothing

  
Can’t sleep. It’s been a while. I’ve missed this. A lot of things happened since my last blog entry, roller coaster of emotions, stretching of faith and legit humbling of the heart. (In particular, my heart.) 

Notice the photo above. It speaks to me a lot. If you are in a pageant, it’s temptation, it’s sweet, but no good. Just like in life, we are rich with sweet things in this world, yet unworthy ones. My point is not everything romantic and sweet are good. Not everything we desire may be beneficial for us. Not everything that seems good are good. Not all forms of love that we believe in are true love. Not everything we see are substantial, a lot of things are deceiving and tempting, and we gotta be careful. 

Two weeks ago, I was not chosen as a candidate for my big dream. It was painful, until He brought me back and made me an official candidate a week later. He’s crazy, in a nice way. He realigned my heart and my desires. He proved me that He’s in control of my dreams and everything solely depends on Him. That no matter how much I try to be my life’s director, He will always be the Boss. He rules and reigns, as usual. (Hindi na ako na sanay.) In a span of a week, I was humbled, I’ve learned to surrender the dream to Him. Mehhn, and I realized it was just right for me to do it because dreaming of becoming Miss Universe is totally not under my control, so might as well give it to Him. Apart from Him, everything I want to achieve is rubbish–waley and chaka.

(Prior to the ones written below were written 6 days ago)

Let’s go back to the title, Sweet Nothing. Hmm. To me, it’s waste of time, it delays us from seeing the real blessing and brings us to idleness instead knowing and living out our purpose. Sweet Nothing is a work of the enemy. It may be procrastination, checking out nonsense stuff on Instagram & Facebook for hours (guilty) and prioritizing it more than the important things I have to do. It could mean settling in a relationship na wala lang & bahala na, unlabeled. It could mean doing a lot of good works yet not being able to understand why you do them. It could be getting rich to sustain for yourself, and yours alone. It could mean you being the happiest person in the world, while the people around you are dying in pain. Anything that points to self, to selfishness in particular, is worthless. What else did I miss? So that’s my view of sweet nothing. 

Alright, I’m posting this now. I’m glad to be back in the pageant (Binibining Pilipinas 2016) and I sincerely hope to enjoy it like never before. Good night, Universe! 💜🙂

25 Things I Learned Before Turning 26

Thank you for the birthday greetings everyone! I’d like to share the 25 things God taught me this year.

  1. Pray without ceasing. Ewan ko nalang kung hindi pa makulitan sakin si Lord and i-grant and birthday prayers ko. 😀FullSizeRender
  2. “As you draw closer to God, you will know your specific calling.” Knowing the Lord isn’t like a cough medicine that you only take when you have cough. To know Him is like drinking water, for to know Him is essential. And by drawing near Him (by reading my Bible, praying, surrounding myself with people who graciously follow Him) I am able to understand better what He’s called me to be.
  3. God answers our deepest wants. Photo below is me and my cousin, Ate Carla. After more than a year since the time we pleaded to God for her prayer request, God has finally answered it! She’s engaged and she’s getting married on March in Hawaii, USA. God’s so good! #SaTamangPanahon 😉  FullSizeRender 7
  4. Adultery is a sin. Flee from it. The Lord hates it.
  5. I am nothing without Jesus. This year was  very heavy and painful for me. It stretched my faith and crushed my filthy heart. And I thank God for allowing the pain, really. I needed that holy crushing!
  6. Christmas is about Him. Not me, not the gifts I receive, not the people I spend it with. It’s the joy and peace of having the greatest Gift for all humanity.
  7. I shall smile often. Hahaha because I wouldn’t. He would teach this yearly and I keep relearning it and I hope I get to apply it this time around. 😀
  8. Be patient. Sa madaming aspeto! Greater things are coming.
  9. Pain is temporary. Yep! Next year, I won’t be as emotional as I was this year. Nakakapagod umiyak! Will save the tears for precious moments. Hehe
  10. In Jesus, I can do all things. I am able to love selflessly (by His’ grace) even if it was a HUGE struggle, for true love submits to the Lord’s will.
  11. He taught me to count my blessings, not my mistakes. Think of at least three things to thank God for in a day, learned this from my friend Steffi.
  12. When He blesses, there is no SIN. My neighbor, Pastor Elo taught me this. He grants us our prayers peacefully. Walang kasalanan na nakalakip!
  13. I’m blessed. I have my FAMILY, the Rabajante’s, my Gift It family, the Fellowship, the DGroup, my SMG family, my Tuesday VGroup, C/B, my mentors. I’m blessed with my brothers and sisters in Christ who would constantly remind me of His’ love!
  14. I’m forgiven. And free! Relearned this one too. I asked for forgiveness to some people I hurt this year and the past years, and they forgave me. Ang liberating ng feeling, sobra. Thank you, Lord.
  15. I shall dream again. Don’t let go of the dreams I had, rebirth ’em!
  16. He made me appreciate friendship this year. My friendship with Issa, Ate Ann, Ate Monica, Ate Mitch (x2), Kris, Steffi and more!IMG_0803
  17. Obedience is better than sacrifice. 
  18. Intimacy is the key! I think one of the nicest decisions I did this year is to make a new Facebook account to intentionally get intimate and updated with the people I care for the most. It’s a marvelous feeling! 😉
  19. Closed doors are answered prayers. Move on!
  20. Life isn’t about your status in life, not your job, not your paycheck, not the brand of your clothes, jewelries you wear. It cannot give you the contentment that only Jesus gives.  -Camz
  21. “Its true, the heart is the most wicked. Think 100 times before believing it! Healing takes time and prayers. Be patient. Give yourself time and give TIME some time. Each day offers a new beginning, a new chance to become a better person. Always believe in God’s divine plan for your life. Always have courage and start your day with a prayer. Every time you’re feeling down, always PRAY. Be dependent on the Lord. Seek His’ will in every moment.” – IssaFullSizeRender 9
  22. It’s okay to be vulnerable. Be vulnerable when you have to! – the book, Captivating by John & Stasi Eldredge taught me this.FullSizeRender 12
  23. Your labor for the Lord is not in vain. – God proved me this on the day of my birthday. So many testimonies and answered prayers for my best friends! And more to come!IMG_0903
  24. “Pag mahal ka, babalikan ka.” – Learned this from my favorite teleserye, OTWOL!  😀
  25. It’s all about Him, it has always been and will always be about Him. This year, He multiple-proved me how much He needed to die on the cross for me 2,000 years ago. Ang sakit-sakit ng year 2015 for me! Kaya hindi ako magsasawang magpasalamat Sa’Yo Lord dahil patuloy mo akong pinapatawad, binabago at binibigyan ng pag-asa. 

Thank you, Jesus. ❤

 

What am I afraid of?

A lot of things. Let me name some.

I’m afraid of forgetting my favourite lines in the books I’ve read, I’m afraid of not remembering the lessons I learned, that’s why I highlight them, that’s why I write them down, take pictures of them or screen capture them on Instagram and keep ’em on my phone. This is true story. You’ll see more words on my Camera Roll more than selfies. I currently have 409 photos on my phone, 7 are mine… the rest are other stuff, and again, words, mostly words.

I’m afraid of believing only in words. I find actions more honourable. I’m afraid to not be able to determine a bluff. I don’t like being fooled. I don’t like grey areas, I like things in black and white, for anything beyond a yes or a no comes from the evil one (check out Matthew 5:37). I am also afraid to overly speak words I believe in and not be able to act them out.

I’m afraid to say no to an invite because I don’t like to disappoint, but I get frustrated when I find it hard to say no to invites I really wanna say no to. It’s a struggle. But just today, I was able to do it and I am glad I did it. It was a worldly invite. I don’t want to elaborate on it anymore. Titus 2:11-12 says For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope—the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ. Yes! I can (now) say no to a worldly invite! Hehe 😀

So these are my fears. BUT Thanks to His’ grace that always reminds me that I don’t really have to fear and be anxious at anything. Instead, just prayerfully and thankfully petition my requests: to not forget His’ Word, to be able to act His’ teachings, and to live a Spirit led life that’s able to say NO to temptations. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard my heart and my mind in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

With Christ, I can definitely be this:

keep-calm-and-face-your-fears-1

Good night 🙂

 

 

Appreciating Women ;)

  1. Spontaneous bike ride with my coustrend (cousin-sister-friend) Jazmin, and best friends since high school Quennie and Patricia A.
  2. With Ate Monica, Kris and Kris’ discipleship group during Leaders’ Appreciation day in our church
  3. Sunday catch up over dessert and prayer time before worship service with Patricia E.
  4. Photo-sesh with Quennie at the wall of a pizza place hehe
  5. My NFF (new found friends) Issa and Micah, while working at a coffee shop
  6. With sweet and pretty Aya for a video shoot
  7. With Janelle, Miss Ann and Issa for a video shoot
  8. and 9. More photos with Quennie 🙂

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And a photo with my Monday Fellowship Group 🙂

It’s been weeks of spending lots  of quality time with WOMEN. You’d probably ask, “So? What’s the big deal?”. Well, to me, it is a huge matter. I’m used to being around women naman, I have a lot of girl friends, pero before was a bit different. There’d be times when I would find it soooo hard communicating myself with other women, and understanding them too, it was caused mostly by my insecurities. I would feel awkward opening up to them, I’d only pick a few I could share my life to not because they’re the only ones I trust but because it wasn’t easy for me to open myself up to others. I had the fear of getting judged. I was imprisoned by the ‘image mentality’ I invented in my head which is a total nonsense. I’d build walls, choose my friends, distant myself. There would be times though that I want to befriend and get close with just any woman but intimidation and hesitation would eat me up.

In high school, most of my friends/classmates I’d consider as my closest friends were men. I had a guy best friend, na tipong kausap ko palagi over the phone -aka- telebabad na umaabot ng midnight, and I became close with a few more na guys din. My thinking kasi before was with men walang competition, walang arte, I wouldn’t feel judged with whatever stories I’d share. Pero grabe what the Lord made me comprehend recently. I am now able to recognize that the idea of me being more close with guy friends (because I thought that’s just the way I am) was a lie. See, ang kasinungalingan and walang sense na mga bagay begin in the cranium talaga most of the time. So pray that we’ll be sharp and careful with what we impose to ourselves. In my case, I covered up the truth of me being fearful and insecure with the stupid idea na guys ang closest friends ko.

Now na naliberate na ako sa TRUTH that I can enjoy my friendship with women pala, I’m super dooper delighting in it! As in. Honestly, parang this year ko lang talaga naappreciate my friendship with women, ang saya pala. Walang hassle kasi you can hang anywhere public/private and hindi ka maiissue that you have a ‘thing’ or you’re ‘dating’ the other person, no need to guard my heart, I can share whatever I wanna share to them! And they would understand me way better than a man would. Sorry if ang cheesy ko ah, pero I really am just happy now that I’m getting even more close with my girl friends, with the right perspective this time. Parang ang dami ko din kasing possible friendship na nasayang dahil sa crooked beliefs ko before so I’m making it up to the friendships that could be formed and elevated.

It’s not that I’m not going to keep any guy friends anymore, I just simply don’t want to have any guy best friend unless he will be my FUTURE HUSBAND. Medyo madami na din kasi akong naging atraso sa future husband ko (because of the weird friendships I built with men) kaya now is the perfect time for me to make bawi para naman worth it for him to wait for me, diba? The Preserved & Reserved for the One who Deserves Movement! Nux. Hahaha. I’m serious though. 😉

Going back, so this is one of the many new things Jesus has taught and granted my life. Ibang klase talaga mga realizations with the Lord. Common sense kung tutuusin pero dahil nga sinful nature tayo, grace lang talaga Nya ang makakapag-correct ng mga palpak/fail na bagay in this crazy planet. Haiii Lord, buti nalang mahal mo ako! I love you too! ❤

And thank you for the gift of friendship and womanhood! 😀

Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed. -Proverbs 15:22

Not staying away from our worship meetings, as some habitually do, but encouraging each other, and all the more as you see the day drawing near. – Hebrews 10:25

 

The Most Insecure & Envious Lady I Knew

Screen Shot 2015-10-21 at 11.36.25 PMI’ve had uncountable evidence-based encounters with a very insecure and envious lady. In fact, I intimately know her, we’ve been close for 25years now. Yes, you’re guessing it right, that insecure and envious lady’s me.

I was having dinner earlier until there was a sudden prompting in my head to write about insecurity and envy. Last Sunday, it was our topic during Bible Study (which I, myself led), it’s also been my screaming struggle for the past months, and from all these I’ve realized how damaging these two tag-team words could be to any woman. So I’m here in my room now typing away, hoping not to miss even a tiny detail I want to share about it. Let’s begin.

Yes, I was insecure and envious, I’d like to declare that it’s in the past because I do not want to be it anymore. The struggle was too serious, it’s the ugliest feeling ever because I tend to compare myself with anyone, to calculate gestures and actions that wouldn’t really require much attention, I would hate someone who isn’t doing anything wrong with me, someone who may not even care about me.  My insecurity would make me paranoid and envious, my envy would make me insecure. It’s a twin sin! I tell you, it’s gross, it’s ugly, eww, yuckiest feeling ever. But evidently, it was so hard for me to get rid of, sometimes I would still feel it no matter how much I would renounce and rebuke it. But the Lord said trust in Him with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding, that I just have to acknowledge Him in all my ways and He’ll make my path straight. I believe this passage is packaged with Him making me secure in Him.

First, I had to find out why I was being insecure and envious. One time in one of my Bible Study groups, one girl mentioned that the most probable reason why we hate people is because we see ourselves in them. In my perspective, maybe our former self that has been changed and we do not want to encounter anymore, and I personally have this tendency of being overly idealistic that whenever I’d get over a negative attitude of mine, I would start expecting others to do the same thing speedily—which makes me impatient and not reliant on the Lord’s grace on how He would transform people. Or it could be me seeing my current self, you see that person doing what you want to do and you feel envious because he/she seems to be doing it better than you do. And the lies of the enemy would begin to suck the security and confidence out of you by putting thoughts in your head such as: you are inadequate, you’re never enough, you’ll never elevate and you’ll keep coming back to your old life, you’re a loser. Next thing you know, you are already full of grudge, sorrow and pain in your heart.

About 2months ago, I acknowledged being envious at someone, she’s a friend from the pageant industry, I’d compare myself to this lady, wouldn’t celebrate for her accomplishments, I would even find faults in her. She’s a Christian too, but I’d question God why He’d give her abundant blessings when I don’t really see her serving Him well (like I see the whole picture). I’m like Martha in Luke 10:38-42 of the Bible, when she had Jesus visit her home, she was too busy and distracted doing things for the Lord while her sister Mary was very relaxed, sat on the Lord’s feet and savored her time with Him. Martha was bitter and commanded Jesus to tell Mary to help her, Jesus told her that she was worried and upset about a lot of things while Mary chose the better choice of spending time with Him. Meehhn, I just got slapped by reality right there. When I told that lady about how I feel towards her, she gave me a very pleasant reply. She was very nice. We didn’t talk after she replied but I’d like to think that God has healed and freed me since then. And I hope to bump into her one day and finally start a good friendship. God can make all things new, and I’m sure He may also restore my friendship with her.  I realized that God is never after my service for Him. In fact, He doesn’t need my help. He doesn’t need me to serve Him. He simply wants to see me delight in Him, just like Mary, and my service is just the result of the overflowing love and attention I’m getting from the Lord. It shouldn’t be burdensome. It shouldn’t be done out of selfish intentions, neither out of competition. *Breathe* That was very liberating.

Another reason why insecurity was very evident in me is that I tend to focus on two things: (1) myself — it’s always frustrating when I look within me (without Him in me), because I’m limited and I get exhausted; (2) others — opens door for comparison. My heart is really filthy (without Him).  But look, the only way insecurity and envy may be avoided and even eliminated is each time I would just focus my attention on Jesus. Because with Him, I’m limitless. With Jesus, I won’t have to compare myself with anyone, I’d see things on a better perspective, I’d look at people beautifully, it’s all appreciation with everyone that gets highlighted. Again, that’s only when I’m focused on the Perfecter of my faith.

I treat the illness of insecurity and envy the same way I treat unforgiveness. I believe it is a choice and not a mere feeling to forgive, and it’s also a choice not to feel insecure and envious along with trying not to be prideful and assuming. It should be fought each time the negative emotions would try to cripple and paralyze you again. Insecurity is imposed by the enemy that we begin battling with in our cranium, so we slaughter it from there. We choose the right thoughts with the right perspective. We intentionally fight the false whispers we hear, reject it and replace it with the Lord’s Promise, and claim His’ Promise through prayer. It’s always easier said than done, but for the ones who find it hard to fight it like I do, keep trying, keep enduring, keep obeying by humbling ourselves always no matter how hard and painful it may be. It’s hard to be good when you don’t feel good. But again, God is faithful and my incapability and unfaithfulness doesn’t limit Him. I do not define Him, He defines me. He is the Lord and the Master here.

Security sets in when I am able to grasp and recognize that it is about Him and what He is capable of doing in and through me. That I don’t have to be burdened anymore. I just have to keep on trusting Him and keep believing in His’ greater purpose for my life.

In Psalm 4:3-8, it says: Know that the Lord has set apart his faithful servant for himself; the Lord hears when I call to him. Tremble and do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent. Offer the sacrifices of the righteous and trust in the Lord. Many, Lord, are asking, “Who will bring us prosperity?” Let the light of your face shine on us. Fill my heart with joy when their grain and new wine abound. In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety.

May we all ALWAYS find SECURITY in the LORD. Good night!