Cold February?

It’s Been 7years, Valentine Season is coming (once again) & you’re still single?

April of 2017, maid of honor ka, you had 3 wedding invites last year. This 2018, tatlo ulit. Tapos kinasal pa si Ann Curtis and Erwan Heussaff recently, tapos yung spiritual leaders mo ang bongga ng prenup video, kinwento yung Biblical marriage. Ang dami mo ng ideas for your future relationship and pegs for your future wedding. Excited ka na mag ka-boyfriend at ikasal one day, feel mo ready ka na. Pero nasan yung groom mo?

It’s true. I’ve been single for 7years since January 4, 2011 (lol alam na alam yung date) when I had the most dramatic & traumatic break up of my life. (Last na yun! Haha.) Pero syempre after the break up, hindi maganda yung mga nangyari, hindi pa ako Christian when it all happened. In fact, sobrang makasalanan ako in terms of romantic relationship cause after my 2nd boyfriend broke up with me, naging magulo “love life” ko. Actually, all the relationships I had were magulo, kasi nga wala naman si Christ sa life ko then. Oh, and to quote my ex’s break up message to me: “I feel so sinful for the past 2years.” Hindi ko gets yun during that time. I was 21years old, my then boyfriend is 10years older than me. So you can imagine, when I lost him… wasaque!!! Sobrang sabog ko. God has all the right na pabayaan na lang ako sa impyerno. Pero love ako ni Lord e, kaya eto, binago Nya ako.

Nagkaron ako ng mga fling. I dated around. I also became a man hater at some point. I had immoral relationships. Ang dami kong compromises na ginawa sa buhay ko. Ang malala pa dun, Christian na ako when I did some of it. So Christian ba talaga ako nun? Looking back, sobrang gulo. Pero I’m grateful now cause tapos na yung sinful seasons na yun and of course I don’t want to go back there anymore. Sobrang inayos na din ako ni Lord sa aspetong ‘to, even now naman inaayos Nya pa din ako, kasi nga sanctification doesn’t end while we’re still here in this world, right?

Pero minsan in every single-Christian-woman’s life hindi maiiwasan na mapaisip at magtanong. When is it my turn to meet and be with my God’s Best? Gets mo naman lahat ng Christian blogs that you’ve read, that God’s timing is always perfect and you know too that patience is a must, pero tao ka, you’re in the flesh, you get sad, you feel lonely sometimes. And you know what? That’s okay. Dati whenever I feel these emotions, sobrang hard ko sa sarili ko, parang feeling ko back to zero ako sa faith ko, tapos yun na, ang daming relapse tendencies.

Pero now, God taught & made me understand that my faith isn’t perfect, but He is. That’s what I immensely appreciate about grace, na kahit ano pang kapalpakan ko in the past, God remains solid. Hindi talaga Sya nagbabago guys, ang baet Nya! Ako ang binago, binabago and babaguhin pa Nya. That’s why nahiya na din akong gumawa ng kasalanan lol. Pero seryoso, I believe it’s only Grace that enables me not to sin anymore. I mean of course sinner pa din ako, pero by Grace, I now sin less, I have improved on my relationship standards: to not settle for anything less than God’s Best. I remember what my former boss told me about sin: “you know it’s not you anymore, and that you’re over it if you are already disgusted with your past sin”. My gosh. Totoo yun. There were moments kasi before that I would still want it, pero kapag hindi na sya bondage sayo, kadiri na. Diba nakalagay sa Bible? Sinuka mo na then you ate your vomit again. 🤢 Can you imagine? Pero aminin natin, ganun tayo before or even now. By Grace, let’s pray we don’t go back to our past sin anymore.

So ano na? If you’re single like me, and medyo matagal ka na din single, I just wanted to assure you that you are in a good place, if you are indeed single and surrendered to Jesus. In case may mga negative self-talk ka: that you’re unworthy, you’re not attractive, or baka wala ka ng hinihintay. Girl, dismiss mo na yan. Or maybe acknowledge it, bring it up to God, women you trust, spiritual friends who could pray for you. You keep a non negotiable list? Continue to pray for that list. Pray unceasingly nga, diba? Wag kang mag compromise kung biglang may makilala kang gwapo, pero hindi Kristiyano. Wag mong sayangin yung years na hinintay mo to be with the right person only to end up compromising, may you find satisfaction in Christ, persevere ka lang. May reward si Lord. Sure yan.

Pero ang prayer ko talaga for myself, for us single women: is that we graciously get to a point ng Christian life natin na hindi na natin mamamalayan na naghihintay pala tayo for God’s Best kasi masyado na tayong na in-love kay Jesus at nag enjoy sa presence Nya. Ewan ko, pero feeling ko that state can be achieved. Diba wala naman impossible through Christ?

Naniniwala ako there’s still a big chance for me to marry the Lord’s best for me one day. Pero naiintindihan ko na din ngayon that it isn’t my season yet. Sabi nga sa Bible don’t awaken love until it so desires. So when is the right time to fall in love? For me, I keep a list of the man I want to be with, and I love that list, cause I’m believing in faith that I will immensely love that man in my list. And I think the best way to prove that love is to love my God, our God, with all my heart. Apparently, the man I will be with is a man of God. Nakakahiya naman kung I ask for God’s best then ako, I won’t work on being God’s best for him. Gets mo ba? Haha. But whether he comes or not, I sincerely pray I will always be full, complete and satisfied with my Lord and Savior. I pray that the idea of marriage or having a partner doesn’t become an idol to me.

So for now, si Jesus muna date natin sa Valentine’s Day, okay? At least hindi magastos, and at least with Him legit ang #MayForever. Kung pwede nga lang pumunta na sa heaven now to be with Him. But oh well, only God knows. And eto nanaman ako, feeling ko kasi girl version ako ni Apostle Paul, so it’s better that I stay on Earth for now, ang dami pa kasing need na ayusin dito sa mundo, hanggat madaming babaeng nag-cocompromise and hindi maintindihan ang real worth nila kay Christ, hindi pa tapos ang mission ko in Christ, with Christ, through Christ, for Christ Jesus, all for Christ’s glory. Nux! Sundalo ni Kristo. Hehe.

Ladies (and if there’s any gentleman reading this), kung single ka, give it to God! He will never fail you. He’ll never leave nor forsake you. Hold on to His promises. He will be with you forevermore. Advance Happy Valentine’s Day!

*hugs, lots of it!*

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Magnificat: Chapter 1

Yesterday, we did a shoot for a very special brand that will be launching in 2 months. It’s called MAGNIFICAT, meaning: My soul magnifies the Lord. I can’t tell much about it for now, but feel free to follow it on Instagram for future updates: @magnificatph 😉

This is the highlight of my Christian walk so far that I thank and magnify the Lord for: 

My improving view on theology and understanding of the Bible. I’m learning the true context of the Word and unlearning ideas that may feel correct & sound correct and acceptable to me. I grasped also that just because a pastor/preacher/teacher say something nice and uplifting doesn’t mean it’s right and aligned with what the Scripture has to say. I learned that I shall not be after “hyper grace”, that I shall not view my God only as my provider and blesser, but ultimately, as my Greatest Blessing. What if He wanted me to live a life like Job’s? The man who lost his family and all his possessions and lived in misery, would I still love Him? Do I really love Him, or I’m just enticed by the idea that He can give me whatever I want? 

For my firmer and deeper understanding of the Truth, I used to listen to lots and lots and lots of preaching online of my then favorite pastor from the USA, I had to stop listening to him because not everything he says are leading to true salvation, to the Bible’s context. Most of the time, he’s just hyper. I’m learning the importance of relying on the Scripture alone (Sola Scriptura), that I may not be confused at people’s theology, and that I may develop building my walk with my God towards a foundation that’s not easily broken, easily swayed by the world & myself that is still in very much need of sanctification. I would always say, since I became a Christian, that the Bible taught me “everything”, showed me how filthy my heart was (and still is at times), corrected many things in my life and developed my convictions. If that’s the case, then all the more I shall read and study it. I’ve never enjoyed reading the Bible the same way I do now. A few months back, I would read it for the wrong reasons, I’d also share & interpret it wrongly. I would say I do love Jesus but I wouldn’t go deeper in the faith. I wouldn’t study my Bible and I’d give and excuse that I don’t have to be a Bible scholar to be a true discipler. But logically, I cannot love someone I do not know, I cannot say I am close with somebody and not know the history of His life. That does not necessarily mean I have to be a Bible scholar, but the Word is readily available, I do have time, I just didn’t want to get to know my God because I was lazy. I didn’t want to learn. There you go, one of the reasons why Jesus had to die for me. 

I have read the entire Bible but I haven’t really understood it. Right now, I graciously have the desire to learn MORE, I believe it’s the Lord that placed this desire in my heart, cause I didn’t have it then. I’m excited on how my faith may be even more improved, excited to learn how to love more, because loving isn’t innate in any of us, remember? If we are true Christians, we shall accept this reality. There’s nothing good in us, even a tiny bit. That’s also one thing I’ve confirmed, that I’m only good because of Grace, apart from it, all I have to offer are garbage, because my so-called-goodness are all in vain, if not done for Christ’s glory. 

I must decrease. He must increase.