Can’t Sleep | Davao

I’m flying early later, need to be up and get ready at 2am, it’s almost 2, and I haven’t slept yet. Buy why? Must be the Durian Coffee I tried for the first time this afternoon when we went to Paradise Beach Resort, Samal Island. Kasi naman hindi talaga ako coffee drinker, but Captain Leo insisted that I try it, eh masarap — kaya I finished the entire cup.πŸ™ˆ
I love being in this place. It’s my 3rd time to visit Davao and I always love the feels I get whenever I’m here. Funny cause I’d always go here for ‘work’ (judged for a pageant screening 2years ago, did a charity visit a year ago, and now my first layover as a flight attendant) but being here always gives me a vacation and relaxation vibe. The last time I was here, (last year) I met Mayor Duterte back when he didn’t want to run for presidency yet, glad to be one of the people who campaigned and prayed for him. Talking about praying for my country’s leader/s. I learned that each time I pray for a leader, I shouldn’t be placing my trust to the person I’m praying for, but to trust what my God can do in and through him that he may be able to do his’ duties well. Bible says put your trust not on man, but on God. My president, our country’s president is apparently flawed, imperfect, just like everyone else, just like you and I. And we can only truly pray that he gets wiser, healthier, humbler as God uses him to lead our nation. In  1Timothy 2:1-2 it says: I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for all peopleβ€” for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. So whether we like Duterte or not, let’s pray for him, that every work of his hands may only contribute to our country’s progressive growth, may encourage every Filipino to be better individuals, and may give glory to our Father. So instead of ranting, let’s pray.πŸ˜‹

Again, we don’t trust men, we trust God’s work in men. Anti-idol, anti-disappointment, anti-stress. Kasi nga we were saved by grace, through faith, it’s the gift of God, not by our works so that nobody can boast. That’s why WE’RE LIVING THE LIGHT THAT ISN’T OURS, I heard this earlier as part of the lyrics in a random Christian channel I was listening to on Spotify. And it makes so much sense to me. All that we are, all a result of Grace.  
O sya, malapit na mag-2am, praying for GRACE now. I need strength, power & excellence at work later. 

Forever thankful & blessed by Christ, RiriπŸ’œ 

The Unmarried Wife AftermathΒ 

I’ve been reserving my thoughts on adultery for a book I wanted to write in the future that I haven’t even drafted yet. But cause I watched such an impactful movie last night, it could no longer wait. Forget about the book. This isn’t a movie review. This is my piece, not out of research, but out of a bold experience. First, let me state that falling in love with a married man was the dumbest, most selfish decision I did, most unloving path I chose, most painful event that ever happened in my life. This proved how filthy and sinful I was, and how much I needed Christ to take over every part of my being. I was so lost, so insecure, so stupid. 

I thought I already knew Christ when it happened. I thought I was already leading people to Him. I was so defensive thinking I wasn’t doing anything wrong. But it unfolded right before my eyes, seeing people in pain and confused because of my hardheadedness,  and deep in my core I did not have joy & peace. It took me months not being able to sleep well, I’d wake up in the middle of the night being hunted by the thought, the TRUTH rather. “Adultery is a sin, it’s a trap, it’s a curse, get out of it.” But I was stubborn, wrestling with God and defending my situation to Him over and over again, and I’d call myself a “mature” Christian then, what a shame! I’d ask for signs. I’d always land on Bible verses telling me to let go, but I wouldn’t. It was so tough. I felt like I was being the ultimate hypocrite for proclaiming the Gospel and not living out His’ 7th commandment: THOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY. I battled hard with the Truth, fought so hard, it left me tired & empty. 

Until God’s GRACE came to pull me out of  my sin. He sent people who courageously rebuked and reminded me of my worth in the Him. There were literally a lot of them who prayed and petitioned to Him for me. He’d talk to me through my Bible reading, church services, even podcasts and worship songs. He persistently tells me to surrender, that He has greater and way better plans for me than I had for myself. Again, my plans were very selfish. This blog is an understatement of how Christ, my Lord and Savior miraculously worked in my life on this matter. He pulled me out of sin, pulled me out of adultery. And I couldn’t thank Him enough for the genuine freedom and love that I experience now through Him and the right people He brought to my life to appreciate the unceasing love He has for me through them. 

This goes to you who finds so hard to let go, you may be in a situation similar with my past sin, or you have something/anything else that you believe in your heart God’s telling you to let go of but you couldn’t. I will not lie to you, the Spirit is willing but the flesh is weak, and I know how hard it is. But I beg you, your future is at stake here, just let go. It may not make sense at first, but just let go. It hurts so badly, but let go. God didn’t die for you only to live in a distorted and deceptive love promoted by the world. Surrendering is hard but it will be worth it. Hold on to your faith, to the Gospel, and the only absolute truth. What God has put together, let no man separate. Leave before it’s too late, or even if you feel like it’s too late already, leave anyway. Because God will never bless a relationship He didn’t orchestrate. All His’ plans are GOOD, PLEASING and PERFECT. Choose to obey, choose His’ Master Plan. The hurt, you will be able to endure it because He will be with you, you’re not in that alone, He will be your comfort and strength as you go through the process of letting go, asking for forgiveness, healing, and forgiving yourself. He will never leave nor forsake you. Like He did to me, like He always do.

For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. -Romans6:23


Brace For Impact

Today is November 6, and I’m making a pact not to post this blog unless I’m already sure that I am graduating, that I’ll get my wings and become a full-pledged flight attendant. 

On my previous blog I wrote about how real and serious the struggle is on the process of becoming a cabin crew: Career Tweak. Some of you may think why I’m making such a big deal out of this, Meehn, BECAUSE IT IS A MASSIVE DEAL.😭 Days after I lost in my Bb. Pilipinas 2016 journey I wrote God a letter on the qualities I’d request for the future career He has for me. I never thought this one was it, because I even declared that time that I will never become a flight attendant. That was because of the fear I had in me of failing again; cause back in 2013 I already applied for PAL and failed during the final written exam. I was scared to fail again, like I’m not used to it. But for some gracious reason I still submitted my resume, and to cut the long story short, I’m here now, almost done with my training. What makes it even more favorable is that most of the qualities of the career I requested and wrote on my letter for God, so far, are the exact qualities I see in PAL. No joke!!! 😭 

I prayed for a job with ‘smooth’ transportation, apparently I’m gonna have to ride a car/uber to work; and there’s transportation allowance!πŸ˜‰ I literally also requested for a job that will make me travel the world, do we need to elaborate on this?πŸ˜† A job where He’d grant me a mentor who’ll become a friend to me; Sir Patrick De Leon, my trainer, is such a nice & fatherlike-friend to me and my classmates, answered prayer! I prayed also that I will learn to love my job naturally. To be honest, I am the laziest person I know, but by God’s Grace, I’m beginning to enjoy customer service, I am amazed myself on how I could stand and smile at people consistently even if some won’t smile back at ‘cha. Hehe.πŸ˜… Another quality of the job I wanted is that I will learn to value and take care of it without valuing it above Jesus in my life, I’d rather die a bum than lose my faith in Him for whatever career that isn’t from Him. So far, PAL brought me closer to the new avenues of Christ’s character. So far, I see peace and feel joy in my heart being here.😌 The testimonies of the senior cabin crews and pursers of PAL excites and encourages me to grow old productively in the company. I know, too early to tell. Well, let’s see!☺️

So why is my title brace for impact? Because no eye has seen, no ear has heard, no human mind has conceived — the amazing plans that the Lord has for the aviation industry, on how He’ll make an impact and how He’ll be known here. Let’s keep this an open secret, who says I’m here to be a flight attendant? Well, of course I must and will still do my duties, don’t get me wrong on that.✌🏻️ But ultimately, here is my open secret: I’m here, not only to serve passengers, but above all to fly until the whole world knows His’ Name. Literally. 
 
But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you; and you shall be My witnesses both in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and even to the remotest and uttermost part of the earth. Acts 1:8


So yeah, my brand new job description: Serving Christ 35,000 feet above the planet Earth, on ground and wherever in the Universe He takes me. Brace for impact. πŸ˜‰

PS Here’s a photo of the Victorious 25 Cabin Crews of ICCT 16-12 aka the World Changers! Fly with you soon! Congrats to us. To God be all the glory! πŸ’œβœˆοΈβœοΈ

Career TweakΒ 

Woah. It’s been a while! Ended my 8th week training a little early today for this new job I’m applying for. Finally got to allot time for this little vitamin of mine: writing! Yes, I’m still applying for “the job” as a flight attendant because I’m still uncertain on my status here (anything could happen, depending on the Lord’s will), I can’t really say I’m already employed and an official future jetsetter (lol) unless I graduate and get my “wings” aka my nameplate. Brand new to me cause I have zero knowledge on the Aviation industry. I only see the surface of the ‘works’ each time I’d ride an aircraft, and amuse myself seeing the flight attendants blow the mouth tubes of the life vest as they smile the entire time they’re doing their safety demo. And now that I’m already training to work like them, I’d say that being an FA is a real deal, a dead serious job. I’m serious. πŸ˜­πŸ™‚

In a span of 8 weeks I’ve done and learned things I never though I could do. I learned how to swim and float in an 8feet pool (my gosh!!!), learned four swimming strokes (freestyle, elementary backstroke, breaststroke and sidestroke; intense ‘to never in my life did I imagine myself learning how to swim), became the class secretary and graciously listen to instructions that I may relay to my classmates (gosh I’m bad at listening, but once again: GRACE changes everything). I also learned how to study hard — oh yes, this is something I never did back in college down to my kindergarten years. My first 4-5weeks at training were such a struggle. There were so many adjustments when it comes to my study habits because I never had one. I wasn’t a fan of school, but now, at 26, I learned to love it! Who wouldn’t love learning how to do CPR, assisting a pregnant woman give birth and do first aid rescue procedures? My favorite were our aircraft tours and emergency drills. I feel like I’m in an acting class when I do the drills. But Lord, please no emergency in real life! Please-eyy!!! 

There were also a bunch of practical matters that I learned. 1) To not compare my classmates competence with mine. 2) To be diligent in studying and have the integrity, faith without action is dead! If I’d pray to pass my exams, I shall do my part and study.3) We are a team, my classmates and I, we are a family and I can ask them for help when I need it, and vice verse. I’m no longer in a pageant where competition is crazy. I’m in a team. So yeah, teamwork works!πŸ˜‰

Again, I’m not going to assume that this is already the career the Lord has for me. If you’d ask me now, I’d say that I am beginning to like it. But I haven’t even started doing the actual “service” yet, only Christ’s grace that will fully confirm that this really is it. I’ll find out in a month. Will probably confirm on my next blog.😘

Many are the plans in a man’s heart but it’s the Lord’s purpose that prevails. Proverbs 19:21 — And I pray for a heart fully surrendered to His’ purpose. I only want a career where I can glorify and honor Him in every way. One that won’t make me forget Him. If this one isn’t it then I don’t mind losing it. But if it is the one, then praise God! We’ll see. 
His will be done, my will be gone! Be back in a month! Xoxo  

Season Of Rest: Almost Over

It’s been 4 months of rest since my Bb. Pilipinas 2016 journey. I’ve had a few modeling gigs as I wait for my ‘regular job’ but I believe the ultimate career I did the past months is being the Lord’s servant (I’m not taking even a pinch of glory on that, this is only and all by His grace). I can’t believe this season is about to end. But before He transitions my life to a new chapter, let me lay down my gratitude piece. 

Yes, this season’s almost done. Four months of unlimited ministry works, prayers, witnessing lives coming to Jesus and getting baptized, fellowshipping, worshipping. Oh nooo… I don’t want to cry. ='( But I’m getting really emotional now cause I’m gonna miss all these. Not that I won’t have/do it anymore, but I’m kind of preparing myself now on the changes that may occur. I don’t really know what the future brings as I begin my brand new week “at work” next week. And to be honest, I’m scared, I’d get anxious. But the Lord commands not to be anxious about anything, and pray about everything instead. Please pray for me too. =( 

On a brighter note, let me count my blessings! There’s literally massive things I wanna thank the Lord for, let me summarize it a bit. 1) I thank Him for the grandest gift He gave me this year: THE FELLOWSHIP – each and every being in it, they know who they are. Their faith and love for Jesus encourages me to fall in love with Him even more. 

2) I thank Him for the many events He allowed me to go to and be part of to experience Him in different avenues: Hillsong Youth Revival concert, Marlann & Christine’s Victory Weekend, True Life Retreat, Nick Vujicic talk, Upperroom Worship Manila Retreat, Nueva Ecija trip with my DGroup, #YesHeIs Gospel Video shoot, Fellowlympics and mooore! 
My seasons of rest has never never been this action-packed and fruitful! It’s overwhelming to be given this glorious opportunity to see lives transform, friendships flourish and people from different walks of life coming to know the goodness of Jesus. I never imagined Him answering my prayers this way. Great is the LORD and most worthy of praise; His greatness no one can fathom. (Psalm 145:3) 


To my coming season: I may be weak, but my Lord is strong. I may be foolish, but my Lord is wise. I cannot, He can. So bring it on! My Lord will fight for me anyway. Got my eyes on You, Jesus. “Remain in Me and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in Me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in Me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from Me you can do nothing.” (John 15:4-5) πŸ’œβœ

I’ll Bring You More Than A Song

What’s awesome about being in love with Jesus is when you begin to relate to Him some songs that weren’t really written for Him. That simply proves the He truly is LOVE Himself, that no matter how much the world points us to things, emotions, people, and feelings that looks like love to us, Absolute Love will always be the one to prevail. 

Below are my Top 2 songs I dedicate to Christ, My Lover: 

1) Hanging By A Momeny by Lifehouse –  Please please please watch and listen to the lyrics. Nothing can separate us from His love! By His Grace, I’m being still in His’ presence. πŸ’œ

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2) White Flag by Dido

Jesus: I know you think that I shouldn’t still love you, or tell you that. But if I didn’t say it, well I’d still have felt it. Where’s the sense in that? -> (😭😭😭) I promise I’m not trying to make your life harder, or return to where we were. -> (Each time I’d be reminded of my past sins, He reminds me that everything works for my good, even the bad stuff.) But I will go down with this ship. And I won’t put my hands up and surrender. There will be no white flag above my door. I’m in love and always will be. -> (Romans 5:8 but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Me: I know I left too much mess and destruction to come back again. And I caused nothing but trouble. I understand if you can’t talk to me again. And if you live by the rules of “it’s over”. Then I’m sure that that makes sense. -> (When I’m guilty of my sins… Ephesians 2:4-5 But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, evenwhen we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christβ€” by grace you have been saved.)

He just won’t give up on me, on us! Never. Love is war. He fought and He’ll fight for us until the very end. Our Alpha and Omega. πŸ’œ

That’s why (by His grace) worship becomes easy and beautiful for me. Before, I’d laugh at people who’d go crazy doing praise and worship. It was so hard for me to sing and raise my hands, to be vulnerable for Him. Now, now I get why many Christians are ‘OA’ or over acting in worshipping Him, eh OA din kaya yung mahalin at piliin ka Nya kahit hindi ka karapat-dapat mahalin. OA yung love Nya for us.


Below are photos with my sisters-in-Christ (who are also OA for Jesus πŸ˜‰) taken last Wednesday @ Upper Room Worship MNL in City Golf – Ortigas.

It’s crazy how I am now worshipping Him in a place I’d go to before to get drunk and wasted. *Gasps* Lost and now found. Thank You, Jesus. 

To learn more about Upper Room Worship MNL: https://www.instagram.com/upperroomworshipmnl/ 

Dear Ate Girl: It’s not him, it’s you


Dear Ate Girl,

Giiirl, so ano na? Sisisihin mo nanaman that guy for leaving you. You’ll try to cut yourself again? Or replace him with someone new to be able to forget? You’ll tell your friends how painful it is. Or go on the prideful end, book a flight somewhere in the world pretending you’re okay on your Instagram posts and you got everything handled pero yung totoo durog na durog ka na. You’ve been warned, but you did not listen. Ayan tuloy, you’re back in that loop again!

Sa start pa lang wala ka ng peace, you knew it was wrong, you felt it but you reasoned with it. You wrestled with God about it. Lord, baka pwede na ‘to. Lord, I can probably change him. Lord, ako na bahala dito, tagal na ng waiting game I’m settling for this one at the moment. Lord, friends lang naman. Talaga lang ah, friends? Pero deep inside you knew you were falsely in love and you were already hearing that still small voice telling you clearly: NO, HINDI YAN, HE’S NOT GOD’S BEST FOR YOU. Ehh ang tigas ng ulo mo. You come up with reasons to keep the relationship everyday, hanep you would even quote the Bible to back up your baluktot decisions. Girl, didn’t you forget that Satan also quoted the scripture to Jesus? Ano baaa. 

Okay, don’t get me wrong hindi kita cinocondemn, I’m just reminding you of your heart and how fragile and easily tempted it is. Nakalimutan mo na ba almost similar din yung pain mo with the guy prior to that one? That’s why you really have to guard your heart beh! Pagod na ako to see how lugmok and emo you are, I’m sure pagod na pagod ka na din. You know you’re not ready for a relationship, for a man, for that is not really what you need. Ang keylangan mo is to rekindle your relationship with Christ, He’s the Man you need. Bumalik ka na please. Maawa ka sa sarili mo and sa mga taong tunay na nagmamahal sayo. 

Dati super on fire ka kay Jesus, ngayon hindi ka na nagrereply when you get invited to go to church or Bible study. Again, alam mo that you are not yet ready. Try mo lang magpapursue kay Jesus ulit! Mahilig ka magmahal diba, try mo sa kanya ipour-out lahat ng pagmamahal mo. Carireen mo na si Lord. Diba nga His’ plans for you are good, pleasing and perfect? Don’t you like that package deal? Matalino ka naman so gets mo na ‘to, balik ka na sa Kanya. 

And wag mo na sisihin anyone, repent for your sins, humble yourself, God will forgive you naman e. Pero please don’t get stuck to the point na sa repenting period ka nalang forever and you condemn yourself na. Sis, love ka ni Lord. Intense! Alam Nya when you are ready and when you are not so wag ka ng feelingera na kaya mo ihandle your life. Cause hindi talaga. Listen to Him. Fall in love with Jesus again. Sya nalang Boyfriend mo. One day ibibigay Nya sayo yung pak na pak na God’s Best mo, ganern! Pero for now, kay Lord ka nalang muna. Keri? 

Sincerely,

Your Ate Girl in Christ πŸ˜‰