Where Are You Now?

Discipleship requires discipline, and that is one thing I desperately need. I can get consistently inconsistent with my walk. For a season, you’d find me so excited learning about Theology & sharing the Gospel, a few months later, I’d be so drawn at Netflix or some drama-series that distracts me from studying the Word & loving people, and then here comes social media luring me to jump into things that would make me want Christ less; stuff that lead me to “self” instead of being drawn to Him. I’m like an infant at times, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching. My attention span on my interests won’t grow, because the foundation of why I want to do or pursue something, may also be shallow, may not be rooted in Christ, may only have birthed from selfish desires.

I told my mentor-discipler-sister-friend the other week that I do struggle at the same embarrassing things lately. I can’t seem to balance life well. I’d feel lonely and sad. I feel like I’m dragging myself to do what I ought to do for God, connecting with people, but what I truly (desperately) need is a strong connection with Him. I seriously just need Jesus. I must remain in Him, cause I obviously cannot live this life apart from His guidance. I need His Word to teach me, encourage and rebuke me. The Bible has been guiding me for almost 8 years now, and there’s no other way my life would go on a fruitful path if it weren’t for His wisdom and grace. Jesus said “If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.” (John 15:10-11) The consistency of my progress depends on my gracious dependency in Christ. I’d feel sad and lonely when I don’t anchor my joy in Jesus, and my joy may only be satisfied and completed in Him. He’s just always the answer to my dilemmas. Oh how consistent my God is! It’s hard, but I want to consciously not conform to the patterns of the world, to consciously be transformed by the renewing of my mind, to be able always see that His plans are all good, all pleasing, all perfect.

Resurrection Sunday went by, and it is always a beautiful reminder to me of Christ’s glory & my existence. I’m not talking about my purpose, the books/blogs I’ve read, nor the people I shared Christ to. Those are actually filthy rags in His eyes. I’m talking solely about why I’m a Christian, that’s because Jesus came to die for my sins, and since the day I learned about it and embraced Him not only as my Saviour but also my Lord, I also learned that I will only grow deeper in my love and adoration for Him, by grace, through faith. I learned and believed that He resurrected & He’s coming back, that cannot be thwarted, that’s consistent.

A good friend just shared this quote from Steve Lawson to our group: “A life of resolve comes with a price tag. You will be tested by the lure of the world. But you must turn a deaf ear to the crowd and live instead for the approbation of Christ. There will always be a cross before a crown, sacrifice before success, and reproach before a reward. The call of discipleship will cost you popularity, possessions, and position. But God will use your commitment. The grace of God will be multiplied in you if you cultivate a fixed resolution to live for the glory of God.” -Steven Lawson

I feel blessed that God still constantly pulls me out from my stubbornness each time I’m about to deliberately rebel as if I can hide my thoughts and intentions from Him. He consistently works in me despite my inconsistency in following Him. “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans’ 5:8

I’ve wasted so much seasons in my life, especially back in my high school and college years, when I didn’t know Jesus yet. But actually, in Christ, there isn’t a wasted season. He can turn bad, displeasing and ugly things into something beautiful. Though I’ve felt deep regret for the wrong decisions I’ve made, it doesn’t get to a point where I’d be condemned about it, but doesn’t meant too that I can take my salvation for granted. Bible says work out my salvation with fear and trembling. I know life on Earth is never meant to be perfect, but in Christ, I believe it is possible to live in joy, peace and freedom from sin’s slavery. I want that. And I want to continue to pass that on and share with my family & whoever I encounter along the way, perhaps to my own family in the future too. At this point in time, I pray that I won’t have any regrets as I look back to where I am now. I sincerely pray to live out this life for Christ’s glory. If not, my gosh, I’d be fooling no one but myself.

I love Jesus, I’m very public about this. My identity is solely tied on this reality, cause I know deep down that I truly am nothing apart from Him. But I want this to be evident not for people to see, but for me to sincerely know it in my heart. That even if I don’t say a word, that even without the world noticing it, I’d be so confident with my love for Him. I just want to love Him right. I want to grow in this faith. I want to find delight & satisfaction in Him everyday. I pray I’d constantly be disgusted at sin that it would always lead to true repentance. I want to continue to serve Him until I grow old, and still find joy in it. I want to be used only for His glory. I don’t want to take my salvation for granted. I pray for all these in Jesus’ most powerful, merciful, gracious and loving Name.

“Therefore, since we have been declared righteous by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. We have also obtained access through Him by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. And not only that, but we also rejoice in our afflictions, because we know that affliction produces endurance, endurance produces proven character, and proven character produces hope. This hope will not disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.” Romans 5:1-5

Here you go, this has been my walk lately. May the Lord have mercy on me and refresh me. May I find joy and satisfaction in Him.

“He must increase, I must decrease.” John 3:30

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23 Notes To Ponder On

In random order.

1. May we not be narcissistic in reading the Bible. May we have Christ centred hermeneutics. – The American Gospel (https://youtu.be/ocHm18wUAGU)

2. Catechism is something I want to teach my nieces and nephews and my future children. https://reformed.org/documents/index.html?mainframe=https://reformed.org/documents/cat_for_young_children.html

3. No matter how strong or clever you are, you are not your own saviour. You are not your own redeemer. That’s a dead end if you’re going to depend on your own strength and your own wisdom. -Dr. Bryan Chapell

4. What is the only reason that sin has any power in your life? The answer is… because you love it. – The American Gospel

5. The goal of a lecture is that you leave with information. The goal of a motivational speech is that you leave with action steps. The goal of a GOSPEL SERMON, teaching the Bible is that you leave worshipping. – J.D. GREEAR

6. The feeling of pleasure that comes after retail therapy is always short-lived. Ego always looks for something else and wants something more. -Pick Up Limes (YouTube)

7. To everyone who wants a safe, carefree life, away from danger, stay away from Jesus and His great commission. – G3 Conference 2019

8. Right where you are could be your possible mission field atm. Some, are called to go, others would have to stay, and go where they stay. Bible says go to the unreached, how sure are you that your colleague, your neighbour, you brother already heard the Gospel? – Just me.

9. “Your beauty should not consist of outward things like elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold ornaments or fine clothes.” “Instead, it should consist of what is inside the heart with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very valuable in God’s eyes.” 1Peter 3:3-4 — GRACE, PLEASE.

10. Better to be single for the rest of your life & obeying God in the gleaning of the fields than disobey God and have what has been forbidden to you. – probably heard this from Voddie Baucham

11. This is so beautiful but I forgot where I read it from. So sorry. But here it goes: It’s through the deepest suffering that God has taught me the deepest lessons. If we trust Him for it, we can come into an unshakable assurance that He’s in charge, He has a loving purpose, and He can transform something terrible into something wonderful.

“Father,

I love You. I lay down all that I am before you, my Lord. Every regret, pain, joy, I lift them all to you. Enable me through Your Holy Spirit to offer all of me to You. I want to be living my life for Your glory. I want to love selflessly and find delight in doing so. I pray to not lose track of Your Grace. You have brought me this far, and You will take me further and deeper in this Christian faith. I am rededicating myself to You. Help me, Almighty Father. Comfort me, sustain me, strengthen me, heal me. Enable me to move forward with joy and gladness. Enable me to act upon every lesson you have taught and are yet to teach me. Keep my eyes on You, the author and perfecter of my faith. Protect and guide and save all my loved ones. In Jesus’ Name I pray. Amen.”

12. You are not a piece of meat to satisfy the sinful, fleshly desires of a man. -Voddie Baucham

13. If you are so committed to feeling safe, how will you ever risk your life for Jesus? If you are so fragile and cowardly, that you will shut down those who love you by speaking hard truth to you, how will you speak love to those who hate you? – John Piper

14. The consumption of social media, movies, entertainment, demands of career, the quest to consume more and more entertainment, toys, money, travel — DO NOT SATISFY. A life devoted to consumption consumes life. – J. Piper

15. With boldness therefore at the throne, Let us make all our sorrows known, And ask the aid of heavenly power, To help us in the evil hour. – Hymn from Hebrews

16. “The mercy of God is an ocean divine, a boundless and fathomless flood.” Let us plunge out into the mercy of God and come to know it. I hope you believe this, because you’re going to need this mercy desperately if you don’t already have it. The mercy of God in Christ Jesus — amen and amen! -A.W. Tozer

17. “Self-chosen silence is the new expression of social empowerment in the digital age. Silence is freedom.” https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/why-we-should-escape-social-media

18. Question: What’s your fear? Me, to live in a place where my sins aren’t confronted and my false decisions are tolerated. I think one of the reasons why I evidently see why my faith is ALL GRACE is because God surrounded me with people who truly cared to tell me what was wrong & told me that I was sinning.

19. For the greatest way to achieve social and cultural transformation is not by focusing on social and cultural transformation, but by giving our lives to gospel proclamation — to telling others the good news of all God has done in Christ and calling them to follow Him. The fruit of such salvation will be inevitable transformation — of lives, families, communities and even of nations. -Marshall Segal

20. If Christian dating—the intentional, selfless, and prayerful process of pursuing marriage—sounds like slavery, we don’t get it. If low-commitment sexual promiscuity sounds like freedom, we don’t get it. Jesus may ask more of us, but he does so to secure something far better for us. -Marshall Segal “I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him” (Phil. 3:8–9)

21. This was from NextGen KIDS CHURCH! : Truth that hurts is always better than lie that conceals, that will stress you out, won’t put you to sleep & destroy your relationships. To live in a lie is to lead one to eternal destruction.

22. Our total depravity means we are in need of a perfect Savior who is able to do what we cannot do for ourselves – and the good news of the Gospel is that such salvation is available to us in the Son, Jesus Christ, who is the holy God incarnate. We may be wretched, but we can still rejoice and be sanctified. Paul affirms this in the latter part of Romans 7: “Who will save me from this body of death? Thanks be to God, through Jesus Christ our Lord!” I couldn’t put it any better myself. Total depravity is a doctrine of grace because the abounding grace of God Himself is the only hope that we have. -Whole Magazine Devotion

23. AKALA KO

Napakarami, napakaraming bagay na aking inangkin na inakala ko’y nakalaan para sa akin. Napakalawak ng kasakiman at kasamaang nananalaytay sa aking pagkatao. Napakalalim ng sugat na pilit na pinapagaling sa oras na hindi pa nararapat ang paghilom. Napakadaming pagkakataon na aking pinalagpas sa bawat segundong ako’y Kanyang hinahabol, habang ako ay patuloy na nagpupumiglas sa Kanyang gracia’t kabutihan.

Rebelde lamang noong umpisa, hanggang sa nalulon na sa sistema ng mundo, nagpakaputa, nagpakawala, nagpa-alipin sa dimonyo. Napakamakasalanan ko, tanging alikabok at lugmok ang nararapat sa aking marupok na pagkatao.

Wala na akong pag-asa, wala ng magandang kinabukasan ang nag-aabang. Wala ng mukhang maihaharap sa Kanya, wala ng hininga, tanging maiaalay ay ang pagod na katawan, matang namumugto sa bigat ng luha na humagod sa mukhang hindi na maipinta. Wala na akong pag-asa. Wala ng saysay ang aking buhay. Yan, yan ang akala ko.

Akala ko’y walang kapatawaran ang aking mga kasalanan. Ako’y nagkamali. Sa gitna ng aking pagkakadapa, sa lalim ng pighati, sa bigat ng pagsisisi sa aking puso, Siya’y nagpakilala. Ako’y ibinangon sa pagkakadapa, sinagip, iniligtas. Ang kabayaran ng kasalanan ay kamayayan, ngunit ang biyaya ng Panginpon ay walang hanggang buhay sa pamamagitan ni Hesu Kristo, aking Diyos at Tagapagligtas.

•••

Mapagpala at Maaawaing Ama, maraming salamat sa kapatawaran ng aking mga kasalanan. Maraming salamat sa bagong buhay na akin ng tinatamasan simula ng ako’y nagsisi sa aking mga kasalanan at inihandog sa Iyo ang aking buhay. Lahat yan ay dahil sa Iyong Garcia. Hindi ko kailanman matutumbasan ang Kabutihan mo, at mababayaran ang lahat ng pagkukulang ko. Ngunit sadyang napakabuti Mo, sapagkat Ikaw mismo ang gumawa ng paraan upang ako’y hindi manatili sa imprerno.

Espiritu Santo, ako’y Iyong patuloy na tulungan at gabayan, palalimin ang kaalaman sa Iyong salita at piliin lagi ang Iyong gawa. Sa pamamagitan mo lamang aking magagampanan ang tungkulin na bigyang pugay ang Iyong pangalan, palaganapin ang mabuting balita, mahalin ang mga taong kagaya ko. Makasalanan, na nailigtas dalawang libong taon ang nakakalipas ni Hesu Kristo, na inialay ang Kanyang dugo’t katawan, ipinako sa Krus upang pagbayaran ang kasalanan ng sanlibutan, nabuhay muli pagkalaan ng tatlong araw, bumalik sa Ama, at muling bababa sa lupa balang araw, para husgahan ang mundo.

Ako’y umaasa, wala ng pagaakala, tanging kasiguraduhan at pananampalaya ang kinakapitan ng aking buong diwa. Ang bawat luha ay mawawala, ang bawat sakit ay mapapawi, balang araw ay habang buhay kong makakasama ang aking Diyos.

May pag-asa. Sa ngalan ng Ama, ni Hesu Kristo, at ng Espiritu Santo. Amen.

What I’ve learned from losing Ate Tas

It’s all brand new to me. I’ve experienced losing my grand parents, a cousin, some friends, they were painful, but not as painful as this one. Ate Tas was the best nanny/yaya/2nd mother to me and my 6 siblings. She served my family for 36 years, that’s the age of my eldest sister is. She already is family to us. She was my guardian for the past 15years I wasn’t with my parents. Among all the Rabajante’s, Kuya JP & I were the ones who spent the most years with her.

Ate Tas was present at the peak of my sinfulness, she witnessed most of it, & yet still loved and took care of me despite all the bad things I would do. Before I came to know Christ, I would disrespect her, shout at her, be very impatient with her, I’d take her for granted. When I knew the love of Jesus, I’d tell my discipleship group how I’d still struggle in loving her though I already know what to do. When I learned from my brother, a year ago, that she was diagnosed with depression and she was beginning to be forgetful (she had dementia), that became my turning point. I remember I was at a training when I found out about it, I couldn’t concentrate in class, went to the bathroom, and begged God to give me a chance to show her how much I love her. He answered my prayers. I began to develop deeper love and care for her, which I thank God for so much. I am only truly able to love Ate Tas because of the love of Christ Jesus.

I like how we spent the last 2 quarters of 2018 together. We’d go to different malls, I’d take her to most of my meetings, go to church, eat & eat & eat everywhere. I am also grateful that I would sleep next to her when I visit home. But my favourite moment with her were our one on one conversations about Jesus. I remember telling her that I love her and I told her too that I’m sorry for all the bad things I did to her in the past. I asked her if she’s afraid of death and told her not to be afraid because if she belongs to Jesus, she will spend eternity in Heaven, where there will no longer be pains and sufferings. I asked if she’s sorry for all her sins, she said yes. I asked if she believes in Christ as her Lord and Savior, she said yes. I asked who is her God, she uttered, Jesus. She prayed a short yet very heartfelt prayer. We cried, we hugged. And to me, that was the most important moment I had with her.

I thank Jesus for allowing it to happen. Truly, to live is Christ, to die is gain. Ate Tas may not have read the Bible as much as other Christians would, but her life exemplified Christlikeness in so many ways. Many people could attest to that. I still find it unbelievably amazing that while I have so many desires and dreams in life, there’s this one person who has no other desire but to serve my family, take care of us & be such a joyful helper to everyone around her. God wrote her such a wonderful story & left such beautiful lessons to me, our family & hers.

Losing her inspires me to value my family even more. To make time & truly spend time with them. Losing her inspires me to give generously, Ate Tas is one of the most generous people I know. Losing her makes me want to draw even more closer to Jesus, the only One who can help me through the process of grieving and healing. I haven’t had a broken heart in a while now, and I am sure that this is a beautiful brokenness that I am going through. Losing her taught me empathy, for people who lose their loved ones. Ang sakit pala talaga. Most importantly, it is making me understand that I didn’t really lose her. It would be very selfish of me if I’d still want her to stay, my God is sovereign, He gives and takes away, and His timing is always perfect, I trust God that even the very moment of Ate Tas’ death was meant to be the way it happened. Losing her makes me pray more, trust and glorify Him more. I trust in Jesus, one day, I’ll come see Ate Tas face to face again and thank her for everything she’s done for me. One day, our whole family will be giving Jesus glory and worship Him together. That’s my faith, and it’s not a dead faith, for it is anchored to the King of kings and the Lord of lords.

Ate Tas, mahal na mahal na mahal kita, but nothing compares to Christ’s love for you. Rest in Jesus Christ’s everlasting love now! See you one day, Tazic!

Father Almighty, pilot me.

Guide me.

Help me.

I trust in You.

Pre Flight (Heart) Check

Mga dalawang buwan din akong hindi nagsulat, ngayon ay paalis ako sa desiyerto, para magbakasyon ng isang linggo kasama ang mga mahal ko sa buhay. Tapos sa January, one month din with my loved ones in the USA.

Lately, I’d always ask God to give me wisdom on what to write, pero pakiramdam ko parang nasabi ko na lahat, parang wala ng bago. Yung mga bagay that I stand for in life, parang sobrang wala na akong mapigang wisdom, feeling ko stagnant water ako, yung knowledge ko parang walang nangyayari. Feelingera nanaman ako. Buti nalang hindi emotion ang basis ng salvation, mabuti nalang hindi nirerequire ni Lord ang eloquence at mataas na IQ & knowledge sa theology sa pagbigay Nya ng opportunity to know Him more. Kasi nga lahat naman Grace lang Nya. Daming insecurities, mabuti hindi din minus points yun sa realidad na one day, pupunta ako sa langit, doon, wala ng hassle, hindi na ako iiyak, hindi na ako mapapagod kakafigure out ng buhay.

Philippines won the Miss Universe crown a few days back, galing ni Catriona Grey, I’m a fan. Ang saya ko cause marunong na ako mag rejoice for others’ success. Pero I’m irritated at the selfish feeling in my chest, na flashback: dream ko dati yan e. Tatlong taon I pursued it, and hindi yun para sakin. Minsan nakakapikon yung entitlement sa puso ko, when I dream of achieving other’s destiny. I have to remind myself na hindi na ako yun, and it was never meant for me. My profession is totally different now. I pray na maalagaan ko kung ano ang meron ako and kung sino ako ngayon. I pray that I don’t let the opportunities of today pass me by, dahil lang sa nagmumukmok or na-sasad ako na hindi ako nagka-korona. Ungrateful ba? Oh well, may God work in my heart.

I want to be grateful, hindi yung showbiz gratefulness, yung legit!!! Yung nararamdaman ko talaga hindi based on the physical or material, but on the things unseen yung gratefulness ko. I want to be spiritually satisfied about this life I have now. Ang dami dami-daming oras at pagkakataon para mas makilala pa ang Panginoon. I don’t want to procrastinate anymore. Salamat talaga sa constant assurance of His Word, na steadfast ang love Nya, na hindi nauubos ang biyaya Niya, na faithful Siya. Kung hindi ako nareremind ng Word Nya, wala na, kawawa na ako, for sure wala ng direction ang mga plano ko sa buhay.

Isa sa pinaka malaking panalangin ko ay nasagot na, nakapunta na ako ng America after not seeing my parents for 15years and some of my siblings for more than 8years. This coming 2019, I want to pray new prayers and dream new dreams. Gusto ko maging productive and full of achievements, gusto ko mamultiply and mamaximize ang lahat ng bagay that He entrusted to me. Pagdadasal ko pa ‘tong mga ‘to. Many are the plans in my heart, pero purpose pa din ni Lord ang magpe-prevail.

Siguro bottom line is miss ko lang talaga makapag spend ng quality time with God. I want His wisdom. I want His peace. Ang dami-daming nangyayari, kung hindi ako lumilipad for work, I’ll be on a vacation, or busy with my online business, or socializing, or kung saan-saan nakakarating. Honestly, nakakapagod din minsan ang leisure, si Jesus lang kasi talaga nakakapag-satisfy ng heart ko. Haiiii.

Haiii Lord, GRACE PLEASE! Paramdam ka ng bongga. Miss You, I pray na nagglorify kita sa lahat ng ginagawa ko. Thank You for never leaving nor forsaking me. Thank You for the gift of rest. Thank You for always being at work sa heart and mind ko. Please give me a safe flight to Singapore in a few hours, and a favoured & smooth flight to Manila. Allow every moment of my days off to be filled with YOU, cantered in YOU, dedicated to YOU. I need You. I need Your GRACE! ❤️

Xxx

9 Words of Encouragement to Struggling Single Women (by Reformed Theological Women)

(October 18, 2018)

Yesterday, I asked my sisters in Christ from all over the world in a Reformed Theological Women group I’m in regarding a personal concern, my usual struggle, “Singleness X Marriage”. I’d like to share with you the heartwarming godly advices I received, just in case you do have the same heart concerns as mine. I hope it encourages you as much as it has encouraged me.

This was my question:

Any advise for a single, 28yr old woman, who feels like she’s still struggling with trusting God with her desires for marriage?

That’s actually me. I’m aware this is part of my sanctification. I just wanna know if anyone can relate, how do you deal with all your friends getting engaged/married, while you’re trying to get rid of self pity?

Please pray for perseverance. Please pray that I truly trust Him. I feel like this struggle is too selfish, and there’s a lot more important stuff that I shall be minding, but this season is really kinda tough.

And these were the messages I received:

1) It is tough. “Don’t give up, don’t give in, give it all to Him…” Grab ahold of some promises and don’t let go for even an instant. I [finally] met my husband when I was 36. I got married at 38, had my son one week before I turned 39, and we have been together for 27 years. It’s worth it to wait! Trust the Lord, he loves you so much more than you can imagine. I can’t tell you why the Lord makes some of us wait, but I can tell you that he DOES know what he’s doing. (I claimed a promise in Isaiah 34:16 “Seek from the book of the Lord, and read: Not one of these will be missing; None will lack its mate. For His mouth has commanded, And His Spirit has gathered them.”) Don’t give up! Don’t give in. Rejoice with your friends, since Romans instructs us to “rejoice with those who rejoice.” Their joy takes nothing from you, just as their suffering would give nothing to you. Blessings to you dear heart.

2) I got married at 29, after being raised in such a way that I was ready and waiting to get married since I was 16. It was hard to see all the girls 10 years younger than myself get married and start having babies. I love children and want my own badly (note- even if you do get married at some point, there will likely ALWAYS be something you want just out of reach.) While I know everyone’s so very different, I do wish I’d appreciated my single years more while I was in them. Scripture makes it clear, a married woman takes care of what her husband wants (super paraphrased) while single women can focus on taking care of what the Lord wants. The ability to immerse yourself in study, to participate in missions and events without having a home and husband to worry about is honestly something I miss. I’m by no means saying marriage is undesirable, but singleness is ALSO desirable. It’s not like a sickness, to be cured. It’s another element of life to be used because the Lord has blessed you with it. I don’t know if that’s helpful… if I’m making my thoughts clear. I just would encourage you to see the freedom and independence as benefits to take advantage of, for the glory of God.

3) 27 and single here. I find myself praying often that the Lord allows me to truly “rejoice with those who rejoice” when weddings, bridal showers, and baby showers all come up.

I also try to look at all the benefits of my single life right now. For me, it’s building confidence on my own, learning to manage finances, being more freely able to help others, etc. I feel more prepared to eventually be in a relationship/marriage if that’s what the Lord has for me than some of my friends who married younger were.

I also think that a common misconception is that as a single woman, you can’t be a “keeper of the home.” Keep your house clean, cook lovely meals for yourself, show hospitality by inviting groups of people over to your house. People tend to think of hospitality as more of a married woman’s game but it’s totally not.

The biggest thing I can say has helped me is not to isolate yourself. Find things you enjoy and go do them. Spend time with family and friends. Keep spending time in the word regularly. And occasionally spend a whole day home alone in your pj’s watching movies. 😂

4) Heyy!! There’s a class that I took.. Gods perspective of us. And the foundation of it is.. we are a wife before we are a “wife”.. meaning we are the bride of Christ before we are a physical bride here on earth.. and learning to serve and completely surrender to Christ..

There’s also some practical sessions as well for when you’re physically married.. but the concept is that A Man who finds a wife.. not a man who finds a woman and marries her and then she becomes a wife.. if you’re interested in the class let me know! There was a lot of great disciplines..

5) I remember this feeling. I did get married young, but most of my friends were married or engaged a bit before me. No one was available in our church, for me.

I prayed a lot, read an Elisabeth Elliott book on marriage, and Keep A Quiet Heart. I decided to do my best at what I was currently called to do. And it was obvious where God meant for me to be at that time.

It was when I had found contentment and would have been happiest to stay that way forever that God blessed me with a man. And he had waited what felt like eternity for him. He was 27 almost 28 when he married me.

I was working in a library, volunteering at church and home school co-op and plugging myself and heart and soul into everything and everyone that called out to me.

God may not have wanted me to marry and so I decided to do the most I could for others as though I was going to be single forever.

I did pray a lot though. And I still remember the longing for marriage.

But the more time I had to dwell on my singleness, the more I longed for someone.

6) I didn’t meet and marry my husband until I was 32. I struggled a lot with the prolonged singleness, especially in my late 20s. Turning 30 flipped a switch in me and I felt like I was 18 and full of hope and excitement for life again. I think the longer my singleness went on & the more I embraced it and life became that much more vibrant for me. In fact, when I did meet my new husband, I didn’t even want to hang out or date him (somehow I just knew he was the one) because I didn’t want to get tied down and was finally enjoying my singleness. Anyway, he won me over regardless & we were married 5 months after meeting.

7) Hey girl, I know that feel. Where I’m coming from: In a relationship – hoping to be married soon but the Lord is definitely sanctifying me through the waiting season. The yearning is real, but constantly trying to remind myself that when Christ is the supreme goal – there is nothing that life can offer, or that death can take away that can ever surpass the joy of being with my Savior. Have you read the book “Not Yet Married” by Marshall Segal? It’s so good 🙂

8) I’m 29 and single. Trust the Lord that He’s sovereign. Ask for patience and wisdom. Use your time to improve yourself and grow in your faith. Praying for you. ❤

9) While I married fairly young(23), we battled infertility for years. I have several close friends who married much later and I find the longing and the waiting very similar. I would suggest to use this time of waiting to grow in your relationship with Christ, which will be the best possible preparation to be a wife. Pray the same for your potential future spouse. Serve the Lord and the church in obedience while you wait. In my hardest times, serving others has always been the best way for me to deal with my grief. Also, please know that it is ok to grieve for your delayed dreams. Just do it in Christ. He knows our hurt and longing and is our comfort. 💜

•••

Praise God for sisters in the faith from all over the world. Praise God for each time I align my heart concerns to Him and what He has practically placed in my plate at the moment, it’s also when my perspective on my status gets better. There’s still a lot of works to be done, in me, through me, and around me. It’s not like the Lord needs me to get things done. But He is graciously giving me so much privileges and wonderful opportunities to do the works He has prepared for me to do, for His glory. That’s why I do believe that my current heart for marriage is still quite selfish, but valid, for the Lord cares for my heart’s desires. Psalm 103:8 The LORD is compassionate and gracious, Slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness. God knows what I want, but most importantly, He is sovereign, He above knows what I truly need. And it’s not a mate, it’s a heart genuinely aligned with Him & His will, for His will alone shall be done, for His will alone are good, pleasing and perfect.

Also, every good and perfect gift is from Him, I want that! I don’t want to rush things anymore. I don’t want earthly standards, I want the Lord’s will. If marriage isn’t for me, I want to be okay with that, I want to embrace that. I want to count it all joy that I would have to go through various trials, because the testing of my faith produces steadfastness/patience/endurance. Steadfastness must do its complete work, so that I may be mature and complete, lacking nothing. I want maturity in the faith, and maturity takes time, takes the Lord’s grace, I’m waiting on that, my hope is on the abounding grace of my Lord and Saviour. To my sisters in Christ, whether married or single, may we all be the Biblical Women the Lord designs us to be, it’s not easy, but by faith, it is possible — all for His glory.

PS How about you? What are your thoughts on these. I’d love to hear from you too. God bless you.

INDIA FLIGHT: The Sin of Favouritism IN ME

What God taught me through my Medina-India pairing was the most important part of my 4day duty. He taught me that true Christianity, true love knows no favouritism. One may be gifted with so much skills and talents in winning the world, but when one doesn’t know love, he/she gains nothing. My heart was so bad, so ugly, and I thank Him for revealing that to me.

Recently, I’d always pray for Him to teach me how to love like He does. He taught me that through my India flight, where my faith was really tested. The lavatory was very dirty, poop in the toilet, used tissue on the floor, most of the passengers were old and they didn’t know how to flush the toilet, my jump seat literally smelled like pee, only to find out that some passengers would urinate on the floor in the lavatory. I was rude. I was impolite. I was only nice to the passengers when we were already about to deplane. But even that niceness was selfishness, because I was only excited to rest.

When I got to the hotel in Medina, I was exhausted and I’d ask God: what are you teaching me today? I was really clueless and wondering that day, ano nga ba? Until my sister in Christ, Dia called me and ask how my flight was. Boom! It all came out that moment. I had to repent. Ang baho ng heart ko and ang kapal ng mukha ko to judge. I pray the Lord changes me. How dare I think that God sends me around the world to use me for His glory when I can’t plainly respect & love the elders? It was then that I realized na hindi pa ako marunong magmahal like Jesus Christ. Ang sad diba. 😢

I want to learn how to love like Him. I want to be selfless. Yung tipong whether I fly to Europe, or Asia, or Middle East or anywhere in the world, no matter how I’m treated by the passengers, no matter how physically exhausting the job may be, mabaho man or malinis man or madumi man yung lavatory, by grace, I’d simply love. Rich, poor, white, black, brown, whatever. I just don’t want to be a racist. I want to love the way Jesus does. Walang pinipili. Walang favouritism.

James 2:1-4

My brothers, do not show favoritism as you hold on to the faith in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ. For example, a man comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and dressed in fine clothes, and a poor man dressed in dirty clothes also comes in. If you look with favor on the man wearing the fine clothes and say, “Sit here in a good place,” and yet you say to the poor man, “Stand over there,” or, “Sit here on the floor by my footstool,” haven’t you discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?

I have a lot to learn. I’m really disgusted at my heart. Thank God for mercy, for forgiveness. In reality, kung tutuusin, I’m also just like a poop in this world, cause of my sinfulness, but Christ loved me. I pray that alone motivates me to love each time I fly. Who am I to mistreat people? Loooord, change me please!!! Enable me to love like You.

Why Discipleship is Relationship: Steffi X Ria

Nope, it’s not her birthday. I just really want to honour this woman today for how much I’ve been blessed by God through her life. This may seem a bit emotional, but let me take advantage of my emotions at this moment and use it for the right purpose. 😉

•••

Steffi, I’ll never forget the night we first

met, year 2015, in Valle Verde. That was the very first time I attended The Fellowship and you were my very first breakout leader then. I was at the peak of my sin and lostness during that time, struggling to let go of a relationship that is absolutely detestable to the faith I’d profess. Since that Bible study night, you immediately became a friend, though I was a complete stranger to you, though I’d cry a lot to you (looking back, feel ko super nakakapagod & nakakapikon ako i-lead), you never left, you were there the entire time I was struggling and weak about so many life issues. You were the perfect person to be my discipleship leader, you’d listen carefully, you’d rebuke me with love, you’d take time in sharing your godly advices and be very patient until I get the Lord’s wisdom. You were always Biblical and right but you never made me feel condemned when I make wrong decisions.

October of 2015, about a few weeks from the day we met, I was hospitalised due to dengue fever. We weren’t really that close yet, but you and Tasha came to visit me in the hospital. You brought doughnuts and prayed for me. You were totally unaware of how much I’ve been in awe on how you model Christlikeness to me since day one. I’m not sure if I’ve told you, but you were the one who taught me to have a burden for the sick, to visit & pray for them. I think one of the reasons why handling my own discipleship group wasn’t such a hard task for me (sometimes lang mahirap, when I’m overpowered by selfishness) is because I was imitating such a gracious leader, more than a leader, a friend & an evident Christlike follower. Glad to be a fruit of your labor! You are always so humble, you always check on us individually, you share your weaknesses with us but never burdened us, you say sorry when you have to, you encourage very sincerely, again, very sincerely!

Haiii Stwepi! You show me the kind of love that I’m sure could only be sustained by the work of the Holy Spirit. Remember John’s statement in John 3? “I must decrease, He must increase.” That’s how I’d constantly look at your life. And you know what’s more amazing? Now, you’ve already changed your status, you’re already married, while I’m here in the desert, you still check on me. I’m not demanding that you keep on doing it, but you just do. There were so many adjustments that you’d have to do, but doing your works for the Lord is never compromised. It isn’t perfect, never will be, but graciously incorruptible & honest. I’m blessed each time you’d ask for prayers, you never pretend as if you got it all figured out, you always point me to the Source of every strength and true wisdom, you never take the credit. You were never entitled, you’re just joyfully serving God. I really really praise Him for showing me so much of Himself through you. And when I tell you that I want to be like you when it comes to leading a dgroup, I mean it. Proverbs 31!!! Huhu. That’s why I praise Him for you😢 — because you fear and love the Lord so much.

We’re transitioning, adjusting to different directions/mission fields God is leading us to. But what gives me peace and confidence is that I know wherever He takes us in this world, that even our once a month catch up becomes a little less that the usual, when we all get so busy doing ministry works, we do have One Goal. Christ. Jesus. Always.

Thank you for being my spiritual momma. Thank you for not giving up on me & for showing me that discipleship isn’t boring and stiff, for teaching me that though it requires so much dying-to-self & sacrifices, in the end, it is worth it — because it is done with, for & through Christ. With all that you are & you are yet to become, I praise & give glory to our Maker. I love you, Steffi G.!

“Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.” Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.” Proverbs 31:29-31

When Your Past Sins Hunt You

I’ve been consistently dreaming of my past sins for more than a week. I tried to ignore it but it bothered me until I finally saw myself again leading to a situation/scenario very close to it.

Lust, what goes with this sin? Adultery, immorality, fornication, maliciousness. These are sins that I find very hard to admit, especially because I think it’s very embarrassing, you sin against your own body when you commit it, but these were my sins and I cannot and shall not conceal them.

I’ve learned, through the help of my sisters in Christ, to get to the root of why these sins would mentally affect me again. If I’m truly a new creation in Christ, why would I still be bothered by it? They’re just dreams, but just like what my mentor told me, dreams are things I cannot control; most of the time it reveals things I may be longing for. I was able to point out that those lustful dreams would resurface because of my desire for affection, to be with someone, to be married, to have a “God’s Best” as we call it in church. I recently watched a love story movie, and that triggered emotions in me too. Now, I’m more aware of the things I shall be careful of watching for I tend to over romanticise fictitious matters. I realised that purity isn’t merely keeping yourself sexually inactive, purity is a pursuit of the mind & the heart too. Purity in protecting my emotions from wandering at ideas and thoughts that may ruin my sanity. I also had to admit (to my long distance accountability partners, Carla/Cherish and Dia/Divine) that I’d long to be affirmed, to be loved, to be wanted. Sin begets sin. My lustful dreams caused by my dissatisfaction in Christ led me to days of rambled thoughts and anxiety. I felt as if there were so many issues in my life that I have yet to deal with, that I have to fix, & I felt paralysed at solving them all at the same time, that it eventually frustrated & confused me even more.

On the week of my struggle, a verse from Psalm 51 kept iterating in my head: “Restore to me the joy of Your salvation & grant me a willing spirit to sustain me”. I believe God would also speak to me through James 4:7 “Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” What could be more direct than that?

After I read it, someone from the past all of a sudden sent me an invite to have coffee with him. I met that man at the peak of my lostness & I’d sin with him. I’m glad that the Holy Spirit in me is just too wise to recognize baits. I replied with: “sure ☺️” it was then that I also realised that I’m always just a tiny tilt closer to going back to my old self. But God won’t let that happen. I immediately became accountable to my friends in the faith, I told them to stop me from doing things I’m sure I would regret. I asked for prayers.

Before my flight to Paris, I was alone in my room, crying, confessing my sins to God, being sorry for all I’ve done in the past and during that week. I’d listen to sermons that gave me a fresh understanding of my identity in Jesus: that I am His coheir, that I am His bride, that I am His bondservant. I think part of my joy’s restoration is to get to this part all over again, Psalm 51 also says it is not in sacrifices that the Lord is delighted, but His sacrifices are a broken spirit, He will not despise a broken and contrite heart. Oh yes, I will never outgrow my need for the Gospel. I had nothing to offer, only my tears, my brokenness, my fear of losing my salvation (which by grace, will never happen), and my knees bent down and my hands up high, telling Him: “I’m sorry, forgive me, I’m tired, I surrender.”

My prayer before my flight to Paris was to spend time with Jesus as I get there. My initial plan after my afternoon tour was to go to a wine place at night and drink after a quick rest in the hotel. You see how contradicting my plans are with my prayer? But He cleverly didn’t wake me up, I set my alarm at 9pm and I didn’t hear it at all, I woke up at 12 midnight instead, where everything was closed, it was already dangerous to go out, my flying partner was asleep, I couldn’t even order for food — because what I needed that very moment was spiritual food. God has irresistible ways of getting my attention. He wins, always. I had a three hour quiet time with Him. He spoke to me through Exodus, which talks about the Israelites complaining to Moses and wanting to go back to Egypt. “Is not this what we said to you in Egypt: ‘Leave us alone that we may serve the Egyptians’? For it would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the wilderness,” (Exodus 14:12 ESV). Many times in my life I’d be like that, unconsciously desiring to return to my Egypt out of impatience, because of the inconsistency of my trust and reverence to the Lord, & ultimately because of my lack of understanding on who He is that pollutes my confidence on His plans for my life. I wouldn’t look to Jesus, I was so focused at my sins that I’d forget the vastness of my God’s love for me.

You know what brought me to total peace after it all? Moses’ response to the Israelites: “And Moses said to the people, “Fear not, stand firm, and see the salvation of the Lord, which he will work for you today. For the Egyptians whom you see today, you shall never see again. The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.”” Exodus 14:13-14

I will never ever forget that morning in Paris, God confirmed to me that it is finished. The sin of lust is done in my life, for Christ has delivered me from it. My longing for a husband, well, Christ is my future husband as I marry Him in heaven one day. My anxiety in serving people out of pride and insecurity, wiped away, for I am His bondservant. “For he who was called in the Lord as a bondservant is a freedman of the Lord. Likewise he who was free when called is a bondservant of Christ.” 1Corinthians 7:22 It can’t get any clearer than this. I am free in Jesus Christ. I am not going back to my Egypt.

I think, just like the Apostle Paul, I will always have my thorn in the flesh, sin/s that may hunt me, that may attempt to resurface. Thank God my salvation isn’t based on my emotions, neither the things I do for Him (cause I fail Him most of the time), nor any knowledge I’ve acquired, (for I am foolish & forgetful). I thank Him because even if I’m faithless, He remains faithful, for he cannot disown himself. That’s what makes my God supreme, that while I am still a sinner, while I need to face the consequences because of what I did in the past, He died for me. While I’m still struggling, He already worked things out for me. He won’t ever give me any challenge I cannot carry, and even if there seems to be no way out, He will provide a way out.

Please continue to pray for me. I want to know & love Him more. I want to revere and worship Him better. May Jesus be glorified in my life. May I finish the race strong.

•••

Romans 5

Peace with God Through Faith

1 Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. 2 Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. 3 Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 4 and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, 5 and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

6 For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. 7 For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— 8 but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. 9 Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. 10 For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. 11 More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.

Confessions of a Cabin Crew

I’m a flight attendant and an OFW (overseas filipino worker), but on top of these two, I am a Christian too. Over any profession/career/status, my ultimate identity is that I am saved by the grace of God.

It has been over six months since I signed up for this job. I haven’t reached a year yet flying, but I am learning a lot. Like a lot. And I want to share some of it, especially my mistakes that I want to be corrected. I don’t want to be flying 10years from now (if God allows) and see certain ugly characteristic/attitude in me that may already be hard to change or heal. A true follower of Christ does not tolerate sin, but confronts it. I must not tolerate mine, be warned of others’ and make every effort to live a holy life.

1. I am guilty of complaining a lot verbally and in my head when passengers have so many requests. Seriously? My work is customer service in the cabin, hospitality, both on ground and up in the sky, I do not have the right to complain unless a request done risks my safety & the safety of the flight. Handing a glass of water, blanket or pillow wouldn’t make me unsafe, right? Passengers may have as much requests as they want, except when the seatbelt sign is on, or when flight is turbulent. That’s their privilege. That’s their right. By grace, I want to be the kind of flight attendant that doesn’t complain to passengers’ demands. So what’s the root, if it isn’t the passengers’ fault, what could be the problem? Colossians 3:7 says “whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” Being such a complainer is the opposite of thankfulness. I can’t be complaining just because I feel lazy to move. I am the problem, not my passengers. God, I’m sorry. Proverbs 12:24 “Diligent hands will rule, but laziness ends in forced labor.” I pray wag na ako maging tamad. Again, I am tasked to serve, I pray I’d do it joyfully. No more argument. No more grumbling.

2. It’s also not the passengers’ fault if I lack sleep. I’m given minimum rest for every duty. I don’t have the right to ever be grumpy. My job is to smile, to greet, to be pleasant and polite. I can be it, but I can’t be consistently it when I lack sleep. Huhu. I do need a lot of improvement with managing my sleeping habits, knowing when to rest and when to move, learning to say no to events that may compromise my time for rest before duty — needs a lot of work and discipline! Grace!

3. With my colleagues: I have to be more understanding. That’s why it is myself that I’m assessing, though I see certain mistakes in others too, I can’t just correct them, especially when there’s a bunch of things that must be corrected in me. Matthew 7:3-5 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” I can’t correct others for something I still struggle with. I must be corrected myself first.

4. Note to self: Gossips — don’t indulge in it. Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” I pray I’ll be able to constantly tame my tongue, be discerning and never badmouth anyone. This, I’m grateful that I am graciously able to resist (I’d estimate 80% of the time), I feel the Holy Spirit working in me every time I’d witness a colleague talk about another colleague, you know that still small voice that whispers: “wag kang gumatong, from what you are hearing, find the root sin and pray for it”. I pray for more discernment and wisdom on this matter. Bible says love your enemies & pray for them. In the first place, ayoko ng may kaaway, it wouldn’t put me to sleep. So better not talk about people if there isn’t any solution to follow it up. Kung mag gossip man ako, please rebuke me.

5. I’ve had an encounter with an unforgiving passenger just a week ago. I tried apologising to him many times for saying no to giving him 2 cups of water. He insisted, & so I gave him his request in a manner that wasn’t pleasant. He got intensely mad at me. He didn’t want to accept my apology — he said emotions and tears won’t work. ANG SAKIT! But in essence, that’s what I truly deserve. Actually, even in general life matters, I don’t deserve forgiveness, but God gave it to me through His’ Son.

Isn’t it always liberating to be reminded and live by this truth? Again, that I am saved grace. Grace, as in I didn’t contribute to it. Grace, as in it wasn’t my choice. Grace, freely given to me. Grace, as in favor. Grace, kasi mahal na mahal Nya ako.

I remember a colleague telling me to stop sharing my flaws/mistakes to people. I think madalas I repeat this whenever I write, that the Bible says: I shall boast about my weakness, para Christ’s power may be displayed through me. Kasi nga only in confession and repentance and legit acknowledgement of my wretchedness ako nafi-free. Nothing else matters more than the constant sanctification I have to go through in this lifetime until God accomplishes through & in me everything I ought to be.

In summary: I pray to be able to honor God sa trabaho ko. ♥️😌

Brokenness

Never in my entire life have I embraced brokenness until I sincerely understood that it is necessary for my growth as a Christian. I was one of the people deceived by the illusion that Christianity is all about favor and blessings.2 Corinthians 4:4 The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel that displays the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. Many times in in my earlier years of getting to know Jesus, I’d treat Him like a genie, I’d require Him to grant me all my dreams and earthly ambitions for me to believe in Him. “Lord, give me a crown, make me famous, give me modeling gigs, make me marry at this age. Lord, I really want this, I want him, etc. etc.” This is how I’d pray back then. Full of pride and selfishness. I never wanted His presence, I never asked for more of Him. In most cases, I would end up broken, because He wouldn’t give me what I though I wanted, He always surprises me with what I truly needed. He blesses me with what is unseen, with what the world doesn’t understand, with matters that are beneficial for eternity, for the pruning and moulding of my character.

I’ve learned to love and embrace brokenness because it is necessary for my Christian walk. I am a sinner saved by Grace, if I understand this fully, I must humbly embrace brokenness. I forgot where I heard it exactly but I highly agree that Christians are constant & consistent repenters. Others find it so odd, but it’s exactly what we should be. Not conforming to the world, cause the world says it’s okay, a little sin won’t hurt, a little rebellion is cute. But if we truly are Christians, when we realize the gravity of those ‘tiny sins’, we would be disgusted, they aren’t cute at all. Tiny sins birth death, they are the passageway to our eternal separation from God. 2 Timothy 4:1-3 “Therefore, since through God’s mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart. Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to everyone’s conscience in the sight of God. And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing.” Repentance is a privilege that can never be taken away from us Christians, because there isn’t salvation without repentance; and repentance goes hand and hand with brokenness. I’ve never heard of anyone who repented and believed in Christ without being truly broken.

This month has been packed with sanctification and opening of my blind eyes to what I’d label and tolerate as my “tiny sins”. Every time I realize things like these, I’m always reminded of how holy and pure my God is, that He doesn’t allow even a tiny bit of sin to linger. 1 Peter 1:15 But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: “Be holy, because I am holy.” It’s such a shame, but sadly, I’ve been insecure and malicious, I’ve cheated, I’ve lied, I’ve manipulated and used His name in vain, I’ve done things out of conceitedness, I’ve coveted many times in my head, I’d struggle at the same things I never thought I’d still struggle with, & the scars I’d scratch would still give a heavy impact. It breaks my heart & I have to admit to myself all over again that I do not know how to love my God, that my love for Him is conditional, that Grace is the only thing that keeps me alive in the faith, that enables me to desire righteousness. I owe it all to GRACE. Actually, I do not owe it to GRACE, because I can never repay what GRACE has done. I can only give Him praise & thanks, I can only worship Him, Christ, my one and only Grace.

Wanna know what breaks me more? I commit mistakes, I sin again and again, and every-single-time, He’s the One who still and always provides the way out. 2Peter 3:9 The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. It hurts to hurt the Man I’d always shamelessly declare to the world that I do love the most when I couldn’t even love Him right — because I am a sinner.

I don’t know how many times I’ve said this before, but I am tired. I’m tired of hurting Him. I’m tired of sin. I’m sick of my sins that’s why I embrace brokenness. For I know, in time, He’ll take all brokenness aside and make it beautiful. But for now, I gotta go through it. I have to feel it. Remorse cannot be skipped, shame must be felt, sorrow is necessary for it makes us better grasp, how deep, how wide, how great His love is for His people, for those called according to His purpose.

I truly have no participation to my salvation other than my sin and wretchedness. We can never understand the Lord’s love in pride and arrogance, by thinking that we deserve so much more, when we deserve nothing good, and yet His grace came in. Ephesians 2:8-9 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.”

There’s no such thing as an innately good human being, in my lifetime, I’m the biggest proof of a wretched person I know with innately evil thoughts and deeds. Should that bother me? It is written in Romans 3:10-12 “None is righteous, no, not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God. All have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one.” Christians, our story doesn’t have to end there. We remain grateful in the midst of troubles, trials and tests. We are still in the midst of brokenness, constantly being sanctified, we aren’t promised that it won’t hurt, but we are promised by our Lord that the narrow path is worth it, that He who endures till the end will be rewarded. God has given us the reason to always hold on to our faith, that He himself provided. It is finished. Your past, present and future sins… forgiven. Paid in full by Christ at the cross in Calvary. It is irrevocable for God doesn’t change His mind, He is a Promise Keeping God. He’ll soon come back for us, His people, His sheeps, His servants, His daughters and sons, His bride. We shall live with Him in righteousness forever.

4 Corinthians 4:16-18 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

BROKENNESS IS NOT A PLACE THAT HE TAKES US SO HE CAN LEAVE US, BUT HE BREAKS US SO HE CAN REMAKE US. CONFORM US TO THE VERY IMAGE OF CHRIST… -Voddie Baucham

***

♥️ My prayer:

Psalm 51: 1-4

Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy, blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin!

For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me. Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you may be justified in your words and blameless in your judgment.

♥️ My worship:

Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, Prone to leave the God I love; Here’s my heart, O take and seal it, Seal it for Thy courts above.

O that day when freed from sinning, I shall see Thy lovely face; Clothed then in blood washed linen, How I’ll sing Thy sovereign grace; Come, my Lord, no longer tarry, Take my ransomed soul away; Send thine angels now to carry, Me to realms of endless day.

(Come Thou Fount by Robert Robinson)

♥️ My declaration:

His love for me shall enable me to love Him genuinely. His love isn’t weak for He isn’t a weak God. His love is more powerful than my sin and shame. My eyes are kept on Christ for nothing can separate me from Him, not even my sin. I am His’, I belong to Christ now until eternity. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.